Once Upon A Time, A Gamer Schemed
View Large ImageI took a risk last week and posted something rather personal, something I would never have tried if I thought the community here would just laugh at the entire situation. And although I wasn't surprised at the encouraging replies, I was surprised at the number of responses. As Arnold said, it was epic! So I suppose you guys wouldn't mind hearing about the Part 2...
The part 2 started only a few hours after the encounter depicted in the previous piece. The girl in question called me, and it was one of the more bizarre conversations I've ever had...with anybody. As a general side note, I believe the art of conversation is a dying trait amongst humans, and I find it most disconcerting. Many people I met have difficulty meeting your eye, they mumble, they shift about awkwardly, and they can't maintain the simplest discussion for more than a few minutes. I attribute this to the electronic age, where there's increased communication, but the quality of that communication has suffered greatly. Simply speaking normally to someone almost seems like a sad and depressing impossibility...which is one of the reasons I liked this girl in the first place. I thought charm, in both men and women, died some time back in the late 19th century, but she always had a ton of it. Perhaps best of all, she was quick-witted, which meant our conversations were more like Sports Night and less like an athlete interview on ESPN.
Anyway, she called me in a lame effort to apologize for the appalling behavior of Mr. Pretentious Jackass, which made little sense. She was on board with his blatant insults in the store - clearly - so why should things change an hour later? And furthermore, what's the point of meeting for a drink so she can "apologize appropriately?" None of this holds up to a standard logic and/or common sense breakdown, and she threw the "I guess I just don't know what I want" cop-out, which I've never accepted from anyone in any walk of life. I understand emotional confusion. I understand difficult decisions. I understand not leaping about haphazardly without thinking. But she has already made decisions and she has already determined that I'm not worthy of her attention. Just because she made a mistake and she may have realized that the guy she's with now is a colossal moron, doesn't change the fact that I didn't measure up initially. Hence, I have little to no sympathy for this plea; this thinly veiled train of thought designed to make me entertain thoughts of forgiveness.
This was my state of mind when I met her for that drink a few nights ago. But as I sat there, listening to her convoluted and unconvincing train of thought, I began to reflect on something Arnold and I spoke about (half-jokingly) after the first situation. He's not around right now; otherwise, I would've told him before I wrote this - we're pretty good about listening to each other's stories - and maybe have come to some new conclusions. But anyway, he figured it'd be a damn good idea to adopt a mode of biblical-esque revenge: if she wants me back, I wouldn't go back...but just to piss that guy off, I'd still sleep with her. Now, I do have a firm sense of morality, but this often fluctuates with the push and pull of the reality we inhabit. In all honesty, my reality is now this: a jackass with an ego the size of Wisconsin essentially poisoned and stole away a very good woman (poisoned beyond repair, I fear), and justice dictates that he shouldn't escape without suffering consequences. My fist down his throat is great for the short-term but awful for the long-term (don't need an arrest record, thanks), sooooo...
But of course, I could only consider this plan of action if I perceived the door was open at our meeting. And as rambling and falsely apologetic as she was - continually ignoring the fact she effed up - it was clear that said door is indeed open. Or, if not open, at least unlocked. But before I ask what you all think I should do, please bear in mind that I will get nothing out of this besides revenge. I have no interest in rekindling anything with this woman, and I really don't care what the hell she does. So remember, if I do this, I'd be hurting Mr. Pretentious Jackass (which I have absolutely no problem with), but I'd also be hurting her. So I suppose the sub-question is, should I really lay half the blame on her? Does she deserve the hurt I'm going to inflict? And don't think I won't read the responses; I do value feedback, and I wouldn't post this unless I did.
Lastly, I'd like to leave you with this. Down through history, men and women have fought a pitched battle that never ends, and the prize that can never be claimed may indeed be a lie. The idealistic concept of love, devised almost entirely by the imagination of literary masters who could allow our innermost thoughts and desires to explode in vibrancy on a simple sheet of paper, may, in truth, be fictional. Perhaps we're hindered and haunted by a romanticized vision of a wonderful concept, a concept that human weaknesses and deficiency can't allow to exist. Nevertheless, we can never kill that notion, and there's a reason why: the world instantly becomes almost intolerable without it. Hence, it may be more about survival than anything else.
12/5/2008 Ben Dutka
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Comments (160 posts)
Bugzbunny109
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 3:48:30 PM
2 up, 0 down
NealRad
Friday, December 05, 2008 @ 10:58:32 PM
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Good luck my man
Last edited by NealRad on 12/5/2008 11:01:35 PM
1 up, 4 down
John Shoemaker
Friday, December 05, 2008 @ 10:58:58 PM
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You would hurt him, which is fine by me. But you would hurt her. Someone who I can tell doesn't really do much for herself if she is influenced by those kinds of people. And by sleeping with her you would not only be putting the thought into her head, you would be hurting her because you don't want to be with her anymore. That isn't the right kind of hurt.
If you really want to do something. Revenge sort of speak, then I would go with something else. Technically, if he hits your first, you can hit him back in self defense. But how far you beat his ass is up to you. And whether or not they charge you for anything.
Or just kick his ass in a race.
Last edited by John Shoemaker on 12/5/2008 10:59:58 PM
1 up, 1 down
BikerSaint
Friday, December 05, 2008 @ 11:08:56 PM
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She needs to grow a back-bone!!! There's not much worse than spineless jellyfish(no disrespect to any jelly's of the ocean variety).
I'd take the high road(my version,LOL)
"Wham, Bam"(but with a....)"No thank you mamam".......right after.
But just make sure you put a copy of the sex tape on U-Tube first.
Payback's are a bitch!
Last edited by BikerSaint on 12/5/2008 11:15:36 PM
1 up, 2 down
blitz30952
Friday, December 05, 2008 @ 11:16:31 PM
She needs to grow a backbone and leave you alone whilst you Ben should not hurt her just to get to "Mr. Pretentious Jackass" even though he sooooooooooooo deserves it (I'm surprised you didn't floor him after what he said to you...)
0 up, 0 down
Qubex
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 2:55:50 AM
Q!
"i aM hOMe"
Last edited by Qubex on 12/6/2008 2:56:19 AM
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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 11:04:47 AM
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blitz30952
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 5:26:48 AM
Walk away
Ignore
Talk to someone about it
.. can't remember the S though :P...
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lolrrodlol
Friday, December 05, 2008 @ 11:27:29 PM
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Now as for your big decision, I earnestly recommend you do it. She fu**ed you over, and she's clearly not the girl you once thought she was. She deserves what she's got coming to her, so go ahead and fu** her (in every sense of the word) and that a**hole as well.
They not only insulted you and laughed in your face on multiple occasions, but they also fu**ed with you in a more personal way. It's time to return the favor, and to make the a**hole look like a fool.
I am admittedly a proud and somewhat vindictive person, and I tend to take any insult quite personally. So this is all based on how I would feel if I was in your situation, you may not take it as seriously. Of course I also don't know all the details. The point is, this is just my two cents, but I do genuinely mean it based on what you've told us.
1 up, 2 down
Qubex
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 2:58:00 AM
Q!
"i aM hOMe"
0 up, 0 down
Jojoman
Friday, December 05, 2008 @ 11:45:55 PM
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What would it mean to you? I can't judge your desicion and say wheather it's right or wrong.
Only you know which desicion you can live with and which one is worth it to you.
3 up, 1 down
eaglebaize
Friday, December 05, 2008 @ 11:49:19 PM
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1 up, 0 down
inkme101
Friday, December 05, 2008 @ 11:49:48 PM
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0 up, 1 down
Reccaman18
Friday, December 05, 2008 @ 11:50:11 PM
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Last edited by Reccaman18 on 12/5/2008 11:54:34 PM
1 up, 0 down
Aftab
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 12:17:08 AM
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Aftab
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 12:04:53 AM
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Aftab
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 1:03:48 AM
And Love occurs when you care for someone more than your own self. But it does not occur without happening both ways. Infatuation may happen both ways, but it does not stand the test of time. Lastly, be selfless, and the opportunity will present it self to you, be it in love, or war. The catch is, you can't do it for yourself.
0 up, 0 down
MirrorSoul
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 12:06:03 AM
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Last edited by MirrorSoul on 12/6/2008 12:06:14 AM
0 up, 2 down
MirrorSoul
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 12:06:04 AM
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Last edited by MirrorSoul on 12/6/2008 12:06:25 AM
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JaXXX
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 12:20:01 AM
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So yeah go for it
1 up, 1 down
Zaben
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 12:29:19 AM
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2 up, 1 down
Jed
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 12:30:30 AM
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I was rolling after I heard that.
I can't really say what I would do in that situation, so there is no way I can say what you should do. Just think about this, How will you feel after that? I'm sure it would be great to get back at the jackass, but how would you feel about hurting the girl? She obviously feels bad about what happened, even though she let it happen. She did make an effort to apalogize, however half-assed and stupid it was. She did make the effort.
Whatever you do decide to do, you have to tell us what happens.
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aaronisbla
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 12:48:23 AM
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I think sleeping with her just to make him mad would only last for so long, he might be cheating for all we know. However, if you really like this chick, do it AND get her back, that would hurt more in my opinion
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NealRad
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 12:48:33 AM
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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 12:52:02 AM
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But I have to add an unexpected twist: the woman in question currently sleeps about eight feet behind my on my living room couch. She stopped over on her way back from a club with friends...wanted to talk. NO, nothing happened. We talked. She fell asleep.
I'm going to bed now. MY bed. Arnold is gonna laugh when he reads this... This night is going to test my patience; I can already tell. Is "patience" even the right word? Christ. I dunno. Tired. Later, gents.
Last edited by Ben Dutka PSXE on 12/6/2008 12:52:48 AM
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SHADOW [Moderator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 1:14:33 AM
0 up, 0 down
docpain
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 1:49:36 AM
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WelcomeOblivion
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 12:52:09 AM
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Wage SLAVES
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 1:03:22 AM
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Sir Shak
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 1:11:03 AM
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you should go for it because that guy has made it clear that he thinks he is more of a man than you are and the girl concurred with her silence .
the fact that you poured your feelings out to complete strangers the other day tells that you were really hurting .
this guy needs to be taught a lesson so he would think twice before being an asshole to someone else from now on.
and even if you dont hurt the girl yourself,you think this guy is going to be true to her ? she got herself into this and is gonna get hurt one way or the other.
so i say take your revenge cause its sweeter than people make it out to be.
2 up, 2 down
Qubex
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 3:02:34 AM
Q!
"i aM hOme"
1 up, 0 down
NealRad
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 1:23:19 AM
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0 up, 1 down
Aftab
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 1:31:07 AM
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Scarecrow
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 1:34:16 AM
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Mercy is for the weak
You ask me not only does HE deserve this, but so does her.
Just make sure you've made up your mind that you'll never like her again.
By the way I agree with everything you said 'bout communication and how talking to people these days is like doing push-ups(which people naturally hate).
No longer are people interested in other people's views, ideas, ways of being. These days they want the other person to be perfect or they can just go back to their DIGITAL lives and find their perfect guy/girl there.
Anyway Arnold could best advise you, imo.
Me? I would so take revenge
1 up, 1 down
JPBooch
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 1:34:53 AM
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It is painfully obvious she still digs you. You were the one who broke it off which means she wasn't ready to give up on you. She was the one who got your attention in the mall. Then got in touch with you to apologize. From the sounds of it, she doesn't agree with pretentious jack-ass' behavior but tolerates it since he is a colleague.
I agree that the art of conversation is a dying art, but lets not forget that communication is the real reason for a conversation. I mean really getting your point across to someone and you really getting their point. (The latter being the one MOST people miss) Your IQ's and your wits are equally matched and I'm sure you had some decent times together. That unfortunately is one piece of the puzzle. I've come to realize after going through a divorce and finding my one true love that if your interests, ideals, goals, and IQ are not aligned it just wont work. From your description it sounds like you have already decided she isn't the one.
Now Ben, you must have gave it to her right if she has gone through the trouble of getting your attention twice. I don't see any harm in obliging. You are a single guy with no ties to anyone, whats the harm in giving it another try? I'm not saying she is a piece of meat, if you are going to go through with it you should at least try to really communicate with her. Maybe you missed something? At the very least, there is no harm in a booty call when you are on the market.
I apologize for my poor grammar and writing. I'm a doctor not an author and it's quite late. ;)
Last edited by JPBooch on 12/6/2008 1:38:37 AM
0 up, 0 down
Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 11:07:21 AM
It's just this change of heart in her that has me puzzled and annoyed. I'm not buying her apology (or her apology for the other guy), so it's hard...
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recks1jtp
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 5:22:38 PM
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Joe_III
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 1:38:18 AM
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To anyone who tells you to go for it is a chickensh** whose closest experience to a relationship was getting frisky with the family dog late one night. It's a**holes like you that cause all the problems in this world.
As for you, Ben:
How can you deplore the degradation of society and then come up with this kind of sh**? I am truly embarrassed on your behalf.
If you're trying to show the guy who the man is, this won't be a real effective process because he'll see it more of a failing on her end than a strength on yours.
Grow a pair and step up to him if you feel you have something to prove. You don't have to fight to show him who's boss, but you can easily do so in a way that won't hurt a girl.
Have sex with the chick if you want, but do it cuz you want to, not because messing with the girls head and her relationship is going to make you more of a man. Because you wouldn't be.
I might have thought of things like that fleetingly when I was in high school, but even I have outgrown things like that.
A man should be willing to get stabbed to avoid harm to a woman (or child) and call it a fair trade.
Last edited by Ben Dutka PSXE on 12/6/2008 10:30:25 AM
1 up, 1 down
Joe_III
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 1:44:19 AM
In most states, all you woudl have to do is just simple file a suit saying he gave you incorrect legal advice informally, scream about it some on consumerist.com, and his firm would most likely dump him for someone with more experience in a second in this economy. If he's a solo practitioner, its even easier. Throw in a BBB complaint with the rest and some craigslist shoutouts, and he'll probably lose half his business...
Why mess with the girl? If you're still having security issues concerning her, then figure out a better way to deal with them...
Last edited by Joe_III on 12/6/2008 1:44:45 AM
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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 11:11:46 AM
However, I believe that when men get married, they're far more ready and willing to make excuses for women's misconduct. They're more willing to heap all blame, even if it's not necessarily deserved, on the man's shoulders. I'm not sure if this is due to years of giving way to a woman or what, but I sense this from married men. In the world of the single people, women sleep 'em and leave 'em on a daily basis, and while I KNOW she didn't do this to me, I wouldn't necessarily do it to her, either.
Some women get what's coming to them. I just don't know if she's guilty. That's the issue.
0 up, 0 down
docpain
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 1:43:39 AM
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Funny how this site has turned from a gaming blog into a Dr. Phil blog....but I like it lol (this coming from someone that almost never posts)
1 up, 2 down
SHADOW [Moderator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 3:35:36 AM
0 up, 0 down
Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 11:12:41 AM
Eh, it's okay. Thanks, Shadow. :)
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Advent Child
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 1:53:02 AM
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4 up, 0 down
Qubex
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 3:04:38 AM
Q!
"i aM hOMe"
Last edited by Qubex on 12/6/2008 3:05:08 AM
1 up, 0 down
Sir Shak
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 2:09:31 AM
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but as i said before , this girl has dug herself a hole.
and joe, no one is talking about gallantry hear....we just want this guy to suffer cause all of us have come across a guy like this in our life....the chick is just collateral damage and no one is talking about hurting her physically.
1 up, 0 down
Dystopia
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 2:11:07 AM
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0 up, 0 down
slayerkillemall
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 2:20:05 AM
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2 up, 1 down
WorldEndsWithMe
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 2:21:59 AM
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Back to the original post, I say you can go for it with no guilt whatsoever. She clearly wants it, the light is on, she's holding open the door, and the doormat says "Welcome Ben Dutka"
Last edited by WorldEndsWithMe on 12/6/2008 2:22:23 AM
0 up, 0 down
Qubex
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 3:06:16 AM
Q!
"i aM HoMe"
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SHADOW [Moderator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 3:20:13 AM
5 up, 0 down
FLYING_APE
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 3:35:39 AM
Nice blog ben :)
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Jed
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 12:47:23 AM
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FLYING_APE
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 3:37:25 AM
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0 up, 1 down
JoshBall
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 3:43:45 AM
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hmmm
At first i think you should spend a real lot of time with her, to make him insanely jelous and if she stays around more without nothing happening, he could presume that something HAS happened and that would tie his head in knots. As for sleeping with her rofl i'll have a think about it for you hahaha!
=]
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karneli lll
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 5:07:29 AM
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Last edited by karneli lll on 12/6/2008 5:08:12 AM
2 up, 1 down
dillonthebunny
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 5:11:28 AM
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You dont need to lower yourself Ben, take the higher ground and maybe be her friend.. but with everything in your sights dont give up anything you want back, and im not talking about material goods here.
you'll do the right thing, and if you dont then you will learn from it.. its a win win situation.
3 up, 0 down
Ed_Wayne
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 5:32:46 AM
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1 up, 2 down
HUSO
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 5:52:01 AM
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tramp
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 6:04:00 AM
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i'd bring her down the long garden path,and refuse to sleep with her until she breaks up with that twat(make sure he knows it's you).then just say "No" .this way you are getting fair justice for breaking them up,like that twat did you.
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aaronisbla
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 6:16:16 AM
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It can't all be her fault, there was maybe a misunderstanding plus i think that guy is to blame, dont take it all out on her., i really think you 2 should work it out, seriously.
oh yea, make sure she NEVER sees this crap alright? especially if things work out for you 2, erase this and all replies to it haha
Last edited by aaronisbla on 12/6/2008 6:16:38 AM
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LightShow
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 6:38:47 AM
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The ultimate revenge would be for her to leave him for you, but you just explicitly stated you have no notion of entertaining that possibility. What I would do is take the sensitive road, explain that you really WANT to start up something again, but that your afraid her opinion of you and your profession has been twisted by Mr Pretentious Jackass.
She'll either confirm or deny, and you can play it by ear from there. Girls are fickle creatures. They often make several wrong decisions before settling on a right one.
contrary to us guys, who just go for it and hope for the best.
1 up, 0 down
Jackyl
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 7:15:24 AM
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LightShow
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 8:27:06 AM
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Jackyl
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 7:04:40 AM
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First time poster, long time reader. Tried last week to sign-up but some website errors delayed my confirmation email. Blah, blah, blah.
Anywho...
This is truly a convoluted predicament you are in, and there certainly isn't any easy answer.
First there is the obvious "high road" you could take. While it might not sound appealing now to seek revenge, this isn't something that you would likely look back on and kick yourself for not going through with it. Certainly is more likely that you might regret it later if you do go through with it. It could have possible consequences in future relationships should it ever come up.
Now, it isn't like I've never sought revenge myself. I've pulled the old ball sweat on the moron boss' coffee cup. In that case (and a few others) it has never been anything I've regretted and makes for a fun anecdote. Sometimes revenge is just a lesson for well-deserving idiots.
Now that brings me to another point. Is she deserving of this? Possibly. You seem to speak pretty highly of her. Yet, how weak minded must she be to buy the bull her coworkers had been spewing? Either she isn't as intelligent and strong as you think or despite what she has ever said to you she has always actually agreed with her coworkers and friends about you and your work. If such is the case, either way makes consideration of her feelings seem less necessary.
Now I am curious about should you go through with it how would the other guy find out? You going to personally rub it in his face or expect her to tell him at some point? Either way if you do it, from the reactions of the nameless hordes, you'd quite likely piss many of them off.
As it is, who cares about the opinions of strangers. The yay-ers or neigh-ers. It's really all about you, the factors involved, and the immediate to long term consequences, positive or negative.
And thus concludes my first post.
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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 11:17:08 AM
All good questions, all of which went through my head last night. The question really DOES revolve around whether or not I pronounce her guilty, and thereby deserving of any pain I may inflict. Then there's the issue of this jackass. As Joe said above, it really is quite adolescent and even trite to get back at a jerk by sleeping with his girl. But I think we all know it's more complicated than that, especially in regards to the girl in this scenario.
What you mentioned is the crux of the confusion concerning her, though: I never thought she'd be weak-minded enough to bend to a colleague, or even a friend. So now I'm wondering if she ACTUALLY bent...or if she's permanently bent. That type of thing. I need to know.
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Mole
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 8:34:35 AM
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Nah just playing honestly as long as YOU are happy, that is all that matters...still though I really thought you were a skinny twig with bottles for glasses. LMAOo. We all have our path to take, my father and brother took the business road, I'm an engineer, sucks donkey balls now because of the RECESSION but I wanted to design houses and engineering was the path suggested.
Don't worry about people's pithy thoughts, always do you, if you can look in the mirror and know you have enjoyed your work then it's all good. Besides like you said you had her before him, he might be a rebound dude. Be happy.
0 up, 1 down
JPBooch
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 8:38:49 AM
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bearbobby
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 10:25:31 AM
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As for the hurt she and the nerf-herder caused you, revenge isn't the answer. Instead try and find your Zen. Remember man, "the Dude abides. I don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners."
Fu** it, Dude, let's go bowling.
Last edited by Ben Dutka PSXE on 12/6/2008 11:17:57 AM
1 up, 0 down
Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 11:17:46 AM
Now THAT'S funny. :) As much as I don't really want to be compared to the Dude, I have to admit, that philosophy is now MINE: "The Dude abides." ;)
Last edited by Ben Dutka PSXE on 12/6/2008 11:18:19 AM
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JPBooch
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 11:04:32 AM
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Now getting back to your current predicament, Are you sure you are through with this girl? She may just want a booty call but there might still be something there.
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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 11:20:04 AM
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As for last night, I slept where I was and she slept where she was. She went home a few hours ago after we talked a bit more. I won't really get into details but the saga continues...she dropped this "friends" thing on me and wants to "hang out" tomorrow.
...lies. But...we'll see.
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m2tbo
Monday, December 08, 2008 @ 12:28:28 PM
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NealRad
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 11:26:12 AM
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The_R0gue_Ninja
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 11:46:24 AM
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Referring to your first article dealing with Mr. Pretentious Jackass. When you saw the Girl in question at the mall with Mr. P, and he made that underhanded, insidious comment towards you, I admired the fact that you wanted to rip his vocal chords, yet simply walked away. You see, I believe he made that comment, because he wanted you to hit him. He wanted to prove that you ARE a "boy playing with toys", by provoking you to violence against him. However, you completely wiped the floor with his proverbial ass. Not saying, or doing anything back to him made you, and makes stronger than him. In his convoluted mind, he probably did realize this, but disregarded it for his pompous, "I'm better than everyone", ego.
In regards to the situation in this article, I believe the same actions should, or in this case, shouldn't be taken. Yes, revenge against Mr. Pretentious Jackass would be nice, but you'd just be proving his point. That you are a "boy with his toys", who has a chip on his shoulder because he made a low-blow comment toward you. Personally, and this may sound a little cliché, but I think that treating her with grace is the best solution, and the one action that requires the MOST strength on your part. It would be easy to enact revenge, but it requires true character to withhold your wrath. Besides, her fate shouldn't be decided on the actions of her bastard-boyfriend. She is a woman after all, and easily prone to the voice of an alluring Lawyer (who makes a living off of morphing people's minds to their will).
As I have said before, Ben. The decision is yours to make. I only propose that you think loooong and hard about what you will do.
Good luck, dude.
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The_R0gue_Ninja
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 11:47:48 AM
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Phoelix
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 11:48:03 AM
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And, in my opinion, so is your plan for revenge.
If you follow through with it, I believe that you'll consummate the idea Mr. PJ has about video games being childish. He'll just believe all the more fervently that anything related to video games is an inferior activity.
Is that the message you really want to send?
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JPBooch
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 12:16:09 PM
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HighLife
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 12:32:15 PM
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Good Luck making your mind up.
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Saber1989
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 1:39:00 PM
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awesome, not really a gaming issue but about a true gamer, interesting nonetheless
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cheng
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 2:15:54 PM
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dont know if u'll ever c this post Ben but PLEASE, dont hurt her/urself, act like a true man n leave the girl outta ur problem wit mr PJ, n i'm sure U WILL BE THE WINNER IN THE END!!
ok i'm going to watch resident evil:degeneration now, take care Ben.
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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 4:16:59 PM
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SHADOW [Moderator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 6:53:37 PM
I hope this helps you in you and your keyboard's future adventures.
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coldbore
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 2:18:34 PM
Reply
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ArnoldK PSXE [Administrator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 2:39:37 PM
Reply
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Scarecrow
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 3:36:19 PM
I mean seriously, girls don't think twice 'bout rejecting a guy or messing with his feelings.
Why should we feel all sympathy for them all of a sudden.
Specially they're not together anymore.
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Aftab
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 4:04:49 PM
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Aftab
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 2:45:03 PM
Reply
As shocking it is to see the girl turn up at that hour of the night, I've seen that scenario play out quite a few times. The fact is the girl is confused, which is natural. She even got you swaying! Do I care for her? Does she need me? Can I redeem her? Can I redeem myself? Is this possible, is this feasible? Or Is this the perfect moment of revenge? Is this my lot in life? Or should expect more from life? She's wasting her time. Don't let her waste yours to. I'm not saying not to give the time or the day, but be the gentleman that you are, show the care with reserve, don't absorb any negative karma, and then go after what you really need. Something's always better out there, and going back to this can only be out of desperation. If I'm not mistaken dude, you're over 30, and don't have time to participate in their teen antics. Your a decent man, a selective guy, which allows you to enjoy your memories, your life nobly and without regrets. Those people get by in life by forgetting the past, and each other.
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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 4:09:54 PM
The one thing I hate more than the "I don't know what I want" from a woman is my own indecision based on the same matter...I just don't use it as a smokescreen. As for negative karma, I'm afraid I've got too much of that dealing with this situation already. I need an exorcism...and a shower. ;)
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Aftab
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 12:07:29 AM
Ofcourse, the confusion happens when one doesn't have peace of mind to begin with...and that involves a few things which primarily begin with responsiblites (family, financial, social, physical, and yes, spiritual). Some of those are under your control, while others are not (and ironically are a Catch-22 that involve that significant other). So the trick is to master what is in your control, first. Find certainty, harmony in those, and adequate balance. Get your groove on, get in the zone, achieve your zen, etc. Especially essential to this is SLEEP, Mr. Dutka, and non-work related down-time.
Regarding one's work, goals, aspirations, and other things that determine your culture and life-style, these things, of course, come into consideration about compatablity to A CERTAIN EXTENT. As long as you are paying your bills honestly, don't worry about visualising the hypothetical dinner party with housewifes bragging over wine glasses, unless you wish to get someone particularly from that crowd. A good woman will stick by you through anything and anytime, especially if you're a good man.
Regarding "negative karma"...dude, years of that curse can be removed by a few moments involving correction of one's intention, and a couple acts of heart-felt, SELFLESS, kindness (any of these involving the woman of interest is highly discouraged and DOES NOT COUNT). Get to it and don't sweat it. Be one with your universe, and the rest will be astonishingly, self-automated. Peace out.
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somethingrandom
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 2:47:52 PM
Reply
(off-topic) BTW, I saw the first live showing of All Nightmare Long at the Metallica concert last night!!!
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JPBooch
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 2:47:58 PM
Reply
As far as Mr PJ, deep down you probably intimidate him and he's obviously jealous of a guy who is doing what he loves. I wouldn't so much as hate him but feel sorry for him.
Last edited by JPBooch on 12/6/2008 2:48:25 PM
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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 4:12:28 PM
As for PJ, I really don't think he's intimidated by any of that, unfortunately. He WILL be intimidated by me if strange sh** happens, though.
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Bugzbunny109
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 10:56:53 AM
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BikerSaint
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 3:08:05 PM
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Joe_III
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 3:43:55 PM
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And in any way, society would be a lot better if men were held to a higher standard they are now. While Chivalry's rules no longer apply for the most part, the general lack of respect for others that went with it is my fundamental issue with this problem.
And no, I'm not saying give the woman a pass. If you want to get your revenge on her, that's fine, go for it. I can't say I've never hurt a woman (emotionally) intentionally due to my own pettiness at the time. We've all done that at some point.
But unless I misread your post, you weren't doing this so much for revenge against your ex as much as trying to prove something to her current boyfriend. I'm just saying that that is something that is better done without causing the huge amount of collateral damage to her.
Last edited by Joe_III on 12/6/2008 3:44:38 PM
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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 4:04:52 PM
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Joe_III
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 4:29:10 PM
I would just say that in my own personal experience while doing these kinds of things felt good at the time, I look at them now with regret.
From most of your other posts and conversations, you seem to be fairly well content with who you are and what you have.
If that is really true, then why do you feel a need to prove your worthiness to these people?
And if it isn't, then wouldn't your efforts be better spent improving the things about yourself you feel need work?
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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 6:27:09 PM
It just...IRKS me.
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tlpn99
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 3:54:21 PM
Reply
If you hit the guy and end up with the girl then so be it. (although girls don't tend to like this)
If you simply just end up back with the girl then so be it.
Just know this we will always be here for you no matter what you do.
Take care man, life's a real bugger sometimes.
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BikerSaint
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 4:02:24 PM
Reply
I guess your comment concerning assholes was directed at me too, making me one of those assholes you were so "soapy at the mouth" about.
Well guess what, you are f*cking "correcto mondo"..... I "AM" an asshole, & f*cking proud of it!!!!!
At least I show my true colors, unlike some little computer commando puke with a "2 raisin sack", using his fingers to piss all over the keyboard!
I imagine from some of your earlier tech comments, that you seem to be savy enough to also get my address in New Jersey from my IP, so if you're feeling froggy, and like they say in the "motel 6" commercials....."come on over, & I'll leave the lights on for ya"!
So either come see me Mr big mouth, or if not, then please, please, continue to go outside & impress all the lil jailbaits, by how well you've been writing your name in the snow.
In other words, "Go ahead now, run along outside and........piss off!
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The_Chimeran
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 4:17:19 PM
Reply
Also Ben it seems like all of this is getting out of hand with the posters so maybe a little bit more moderation or well idk.
Last edited by The_Chimeran on 12/6/2008 4:18:33 PM
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cheng
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 4:43:14 PM
Reply
i know it!! somebody loves FF tactics can't be a bad man lol...but seriously, i'm very glad to know ur not about to do something stupid that can cause a life-time regret for you, all the best for you, the girl and arnold.
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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 6:28:04 PM
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Shatterday
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 5:17:51 PM
Reply
Ben, I don't know you. I most likely never will. While I want to sit here and tell you to f*ck the sh** out of that girl... I'm not going to. You will regret it. Despite the fact that you say you don't care care about her at all, you will regret it.
You were in a relationship and although you can lose feelings for people they're always going to have a tiny tiny bit of your heart. Every encounter with someone changes you, even in the smallest ways.
If you'd like a story to back it up.. I dated a girl and I broke up with her. We were going to try again when she met this new guy and so I backed off because I knew it was a long shot. Well she came back to me a month later, and ended up going back to him. He got her pregnant. A few months later she calls me, she had left him "can you come over" almost banged blah blah blah, he comes over, we get in a fight "my childs in there" blah blah blah, the cops came and make him leave. I left because i figured if I banged a pregnant chick I would probably BE Satan. $104 fine and a disorderly conduct. Me and the girl don't talk anymore, when she was probably one of my best friends. It sucks.
Don't be Satan Ben.
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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 6:13:20 PM
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Deleted User [Administrator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 5:45:55 PM
Reply
She does not want you. If she says she just wants to be friends, trust me, thats all she wants to be. I know it hurts and you think she's lying because you really hope she wants you back, but the quicker you face the truth the better off you'll be.
Edit: Oh and get off this high school sh*t man. How old are you? You 30+ you too old for this teenage "she wants me back and I dont know what to do" sh*t. I've never seen a grown man with relationship problems similar to a high schoolers and then post it over the internet. Time to grow up buddy.
Last edited by n/a on 12/6/2008 5:50:22 PM
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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 6:12:48 PM
Thanks, but as humble as I almost always am, after reading that mess, I'm fairly confident I know more about interpersonal human relationships than you could ever hope to know. I'll pass on your advice.
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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 6:24:27 PM
Forgiving myself is something I've had to do in the past...I'd rather not struggle to do it again.
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coolistic
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 7:13:16 PM
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Siege
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 8:18:57 PM
Reply
Ben, this isn't an easy situation, and I definitely do not envy you (At least, not when I think about your predicament. When I think about you making a living through one of the most amazing jobs ever...then I envy you, lol) Anyways, there has been some good advice posted and there has been some really bad advice posted. First off, revenge is not the answer. Revenge is something that is completely propelled by one's own subjective observations. Its basic principle is "I've been hurt, so I'm going to 'hurt' back." There is no true conception of justice, morality, or ethics. Revenge is totally based on hedonistic philosophy (I graduate in May with a degree in Philosophy, so I know a little something about this), it only serves to give one a temporary feeling of happiness. This has nothing to do with justice, it is about accomplishing one's own ends without regard to a higher moral standard. What if revenge became the moral standard of humanity, that is, what if everyone practiced it regularly? Society would cease exist. Revenge would constantly beget more revenge and, ultimately, humanity would die from within itself. (If one appeals to Kant's categorical imperative, then this means that revenge is necessarily immoral)
Ben, I in no way am attacking you, and I hope that it is not coming across that I am. I think you're a really great guy, and I appreciate that you are trying to make the right decision and not just acting out of impulse. Also, I don't mean to vomit philosophy everywhere, but, ultimately, this boils down to philosophy. Just read all of the comments on this page. A plethora of contrasting philosophical systems are being used (most of the time unknowingly) to reach conclusions. Now, sure, I could go on about some of the systems (That is, commenting on systems like Hedonism, relativism born out of post-modernity, and the Nietzschean "will-to-power"....all of which are used...a lot) and discuss the problems with each one but there isn't time for that and this isn't the place to do it, regardless.
In the end, Ben, I'd like to go back to something you said above in the editorial. You mentioned a biblicalesque revenge. I hope to not be flamed for this, but you never know. What I would say is don't appeal to something in the Bible is condemned and looked down upon. Regardless of one's faith and belief system that he appeals to, the Bible does contain some amazing humanistic ethics. In this case, I would say if you're going to appeal to something in the Bible, go with Jesus and his "love your neighbor as yourself" and "do to others what you would have them do to you." Dammit, I don't mean to sound preachy or anything like that. This is, however, the more rational route.
All I am trying to say is that, in the end, revenge accomplishes nothing. It is ultimately counter-productive. There are higher roads that you can take that would be far more beneficial. I am not saying that you should just let it all go or should lie down and allow yourself to get trampled upon. You're a smart, rational, logical guy. You can still be shown to be the better and stronger man without placing morality on hold. Sure, the pretentious jackass might not ever see it, and he might never know the feeling of suffering, but is it your purpose to make sure he does?
Anyways, sorry for such a long post, it just seemed to me that it needed to be said. I hope that this is of some help to you, Ben.
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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 11:24:00 PM
Anyway, I only had one college class in Philosophy (I went the other way and got a Psychology degree), but I got an "A" in it. Heh, not that that means much. But I do remember some of the basics, including Aristotle's theory of virtue vs. vice. If I remember it correctly, he said that the two extremes of a condition were the vices while the exact middle was the virtue. In other words, rashness and cowardice are the vices and courage is the virtue. In other words, he was basically saying what psychologists have always said, in that moderation is essential in almost all walks of life.
This is why I haven't made a decision yet, and why I'm trying to see this problem from all different angles. Jumping in too quickly would be rash, shying away from it and ignoring them both would be cowardly, and the only courage involved is to sit back, examine, and then determine. Which, again, is what psychologists typically recommend. Now, I agree that revenge accomplishes nothing, and is a mere band-aid and never a cure-all. Heck, the band-aid even has bacteria on it that can infect the wound and cause everything to get worse. I understand that, BUT...
Philosophy or psychology, I'm adopting a new theory that I'm sure philosophers have considered. Due to the combination of the extraordinarily fickle and impressionable human mind and the drastically changing environment throughout history, I believe morals are conditional. I know the purists will always adopt the maxim that there's an underlying sense of morality in all humans, and no matter what the reality, whether it's the 3rd or 33rd century, it never changes. This, I used to believe...when I was in college. ;)
But then, I remembered something else Aristotle put forth, and I believe it was the "a priori" truth. It's the purest of all truths; it remains true at all times, and in all universes. "The sun will rise tomorrow" is NOT an a priori truth (at some point in time, that statement may actually be false), but "2 + 2 = 4" IS an a priori truth. This being the case, I believe that THESE are the only virtues left. And while virtue may never change, morality can and does. Hence, my dilemma regarding this situation... There is no real truth and because I believe morality to be subjective, I'm struggling with the correct course of action.
This may not make any sense, but I'm tired and I typed this really fast. Anyway. :)
Last edited by Ben Dutka PSXE on 12/6/2008 11:25:22 PM
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Siege
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 12:52:14 AM
I hear what you are saying, Ben. And while, yes, relativism has been considered by philosophers recently, it does sadden me that you hold to that view. Nothing against you, I'm not saying you are a bad person or anything, really =) I just see that system running into and causing so many problems and ultimately being very inconsistent.
I do have to ask, though. If we take morality as being subjective, then how can you consider the idea of revenge? The idea of revenge automatically assumes that you've been wronged, that there is some higher moral standard to which a human ought appeal. If morality is subjective, though, then the pretentious jackass has been doing what is "right" by him and cannot be faulted. For you to take offense is to say that what he has done is wrong, that there is some intrinsic immoral value in his actions. An undertone of revenge is that you are "righting the wrong." You say that morality is subjective, but your considerations show that you do appeal to some sense of right and wrong, should and should not.
Sorry, had to throw that out there. I think it is a viable question and would be interested to hear your response.
P.S. I remember a couple months back you mentioning Aristotle's ethics in an article. It really made me happy, haha. Am I sick or what?
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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 12:58:57 AM
The idea of revenge only assumes I've been wronged if the accepted standards of morality come into play. If I don't buy into that, can't I apply my own definition to revenge...? And just because morality is subjective doesn't mean there isn't any right and wrong left; it simply means we can interpret the right and wrongs in a variety of ways. His interpretation has no effect on my interpretation. I know this sounds like a very isolationist viewpoint; very lonely and not exactly loaded with a lot of love or faith in my fellow man, but...
Well, like I said, I believed as you did when I was in college. I probably would've written something very similar to what you have written. But then I graduated...and lived life for over 8 years. I never wanted to believe it then but I have to accept it now: things change in how we think. ;)
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Aftab
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 1:35:22 AM
Oops sorry, guys. Didn't mean to interrupt.
Last edited by Aftab on 12/7/2008 1:36:48 AM
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Siege
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 1:50:35 AM
I, too, have little faith in humanity. I see humanity as being holistically depraved. But, just because humanity, on the whole, does not exhibit morality, it does not necessarily mean that there is not higher moral standard.
Also, with regard to Aristotle's virtue ethics, since you seem to appeal to them on one level or another. On the one side, you have cowardice. On the other side, you have aggressive action (revenge). In the middle, you have standing up firmly for yourself, no aggression and no cowardice.
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Aftab
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 1:54:36 AM
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Siege
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 1:57:04 AM
Last edited by Siege on 12/7/2008 2:02:49 AM
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Siege
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 2:01:54 AM
Last edited by Siege on 12/7/2008 2:02:12 AM
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Aftab
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 2:14:49 PM
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CH1N00K
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 8:50:09 PM
Reply
As for your situation Ben, I'd say walk away. Let sleeping dogs lie. If you sleep with her, what good does it do you? If it ruins her relationship with Mr. Small penis then so what? You won't be seeing him everyday to rub it in his face..so what difference does it make? If you screw her over, just to screw him over, how does that make you any better than him?
But that's just what I'd do, I would find a better way to waste my time...lol
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gungrave
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 11:33:37 PM
Reply
If I were you, I would get even. Now you better not lie to yourself when you say you could care less about this woman. If you still have feelings for her you would be messing yourself up big time....there's nothing worse than living life with regret. With that out of the way, so you don't care about this woman. I would totaly be sleeping with her, in fact I would even go do things to her that I normaly would not have done (the butt). She left and now wants to come back to you, I say just use her. That moron disrespected you but who gives a flying F*** about that guy, your bond was with her and she threw it away. Use her bro, get some, treat her like whatever.
Go out with your friends, party, meet other girls, enjoy your life. You can tell her of your outings but why would you? She has no right to question you, she deserves to be treated that way (be like, "woman, know your roll" =P). If she doesn't like that you don't spend time with her like before or whatever, just be like "you don't like it? there's the door". If she wants to stick around let her, who knows....it may turn into something great, if it doesn't so what. Use her for the goods until you find somebody that's worthy of your love.
keep me posted bro. By the way great site
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JPBooch
Monday, December 08, 2008 @ 1:39:56 PM
At any rate, your candor is much appreciated and welcome to the site.
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Daedusian
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 11:35:45 PM
Reply
I really believe you should just stay away from the whole thing. Like a few have said, the situation that happened to you will most surely come back to bite them square in the a**. Believe me.
Take my sister for example (lol I can't believe I'm sharing this) ... she is probably the smartest person in my entire family, including relatives on my mother's side, father's side, and even step-father's side. Right now she's 24, soon to graduate with a masters and become a Physicians Assistant.
BUT what she lacks is any common sense, or knowledge of the outside world - basically anything other than intelligence. But, anyways, to put it in the nicest of words, she's a bitch. We have tried everything (and oh do I mean everything) to change that in her, but nonetheless, it fails everytime, so we have given up. (It's been this way since she was 10). Even her new boyfriend is beginning to figure this out, so I'm not joking here...
So getting back to my initial point, because of her attitude, things have been happening to her that otherwise wouldn't happen to a kind person. She's not all that bad, but there really is something wrong with her mentally and we can't figure out what it is.
And I really do feel bad for her because I truly believe she's not going to get as far in life because of the way she acts, but I ultimately hope the things that are getting back at her will change her outlook. Anyways, enough of that...
So I know it might not feel like the best option, because, really, you do not know what's going on while you are, say, playing a video game or writing up another article, it is surely the best alternative.
And I know this isn't the best of examples to coincide with this matter, but I felt if I had shared it, it would help you reconsider the idea. Just my two cents. But it is your call, so do what you feel is right. You know the most of any of us. Good luck man.
Last edited by Daedusian on 12/6/2008 11:47:26 PM
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gungrave
Saturday, December 06, 2008 @ 11:41:46 PM
Reply
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blitz30952
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 5:32:07 AM
Reply
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ArnoldK PSXE [Administrator]
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 9:26:20 AM
Reply
2 up, 1 down
SarahPalinMILF
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 1:57:08 PM
But def Ben...Hit And Brag...then Run lol
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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 10:21:49 PM
Now THAT'S good stuff.
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cheng
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 10:38:31 AM
Reply
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superjew
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 12:23:54 PM
Reply
Sure, it'd be funny, but I honestly think you're smart enough to realize that you won't feel better and that you're just being petty because the relationship didn't quite go the way you had hoped. I'm sorry man, but if you have to do something, just go talk to her, it might actually make you feel better.
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Aftab
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 2:57:41 PM
Last edited by Aftab on 12/7/2008 3:01:14 PM
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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 10:21:15 PM
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xtreme
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 2:36:03 PM
Reply
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Fane1024
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 2:44:53 PM
Reply
I'm disappointed in you that you would even consider stooping to this sort of behavior. If you want to confront the jackass, be a man and do it. This sort of behind-the-back B.S. is beneath anyone who would consider himself a human being.
The only person you would really be hurting is yourself.
I understand your feelings, because much the same thing happened to me, but it's not worth sinking to their level just to feel like you got even. As much as part of me would like to hurt my ex, I wouldn't because it would only increase the pain in the world and I'm all about the love. ;)
Not to get too Buddhist or quantum theory about it, but...
"I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together."
p.s. I've really enjoyed reading this debate.
Last edited by Fane1024 on 12/7/2008 3:20:24 PM
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Chaotic Jake
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 7:05:20 PM
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Shatterday
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 2:54:28 PM
Reply
You do take a big risk when posting personal articles such as this and it makes me glad that you do it.
When we have things like this to debate over, it takes us away from what this site is about but it's also along the same lines. Instead of debating whether which version of a game is better, Xbox or PS3, or we're just here to read about new games we should look out for... we're talking about an ethical issue for which we all have our own experiences and opinions.
Regardless of whether or not the responses to your posts get positive or negative replies, know that things like this will, in the end, bring us closer together as an online community and as gamers; casual or hardcore.
Ben and Arnold, thank you.
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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 10:19:33 PM
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MRSUCCESS
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 6:38:20 PM
Reply
^_x
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Chaotic Jake
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 7:29:48 PM
P.S. And for you shallow, pathetic low-lives who are only willing to forgive her if she's hot, screw you all. I suppose that beauty to you is nothing more than a factor that you can manipulate for your own self-benefit in any way, shape, and form. I hope all of you with that kind of mindset end up alone, rotting away in your little hikikimori hideaways contemplating why it is that every girl you asked out ended up ditching you.
(P.P.S. Don't go thinking I'm putting words into your mouth, Ben. I'm merely stating my opinion for someone of that lifestyle and thought process. Unless, this revenge plot is really what you want...)
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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Sunday, December 07, 2008 @ 10:18:51 PM
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Chaotic Jake
Monday, December 08, 2008 @ 2:30:10 AM
She 'cheated' on you and made you look like a fool. So, the only way to make ends meet is to do the same to both of them. You think your actions don’t have an impact? This ain’t your little Final Fantasy Tactics Shojo-Beat drama/angst love story, you know. You have more of an effect on your community than you think you do. If you screw them over, their response will be no different than yours. They, too, will seek bitter revenge. And if they can't, no doubt they'll take their anger out on someone else. This is where all of your efforts become for naught. Eventually, everyone will be at ends with each other, and society as a whole will break down. Yeah... Sounds like something right out of a movie, yet we neglect to acknowledge just what sparks a riot, or even widespread chaos, such as the whole Middle East. But we're getting off topic...
Point is, you say you hate it when such events happen to you, yet you seem so... intent as to support the very ideology that you continue to rave as a violation of your personal rights. Just what do you support? You realize that you are doing nothing to bring an end to this cycle, nor are you even considering the consequences of your actions. The more you sit here and brood on your problems, the more it'll manifest and develop into hatred and rage. Over time, you'll lose control of all reason and logic. Irrationality will take over, and you'll wind up doing something that you'll have to live with for the rest of your life. And this cycle will only continue until you finally make a stand. Being the bigger man may be overrated, but in the end, you'll make life better for not just yourself, but for those around you as well.
Of course, but what does it matter? You merely believe that you'll get your revenge, and that'll be the end of it. You’ll have your last laugh, and that’s all there is to it. So just go ahead! Do your deed and get it over with! As if anybody cares. I'm sure no one will mind. In fact, I bet they'll all be waiting for you back at home, cheering you on every step of the way saying "It was about time that you got back for what she did! Now won't nobody mess with you now!" And you'll all be laughing about it for the remainder of the night and for many weeks to come. And no one will hold it against you, for if anything, you'd agree that it'd make a hell of a story to tell to your friends...
"Yo, check it! This chick dumped my ass for some retarded douche-bag, but when she realized just how stupid she was, she wanted me back! Well, I wasn't about to be fooled THAT easily. Noooooooo... So I screwed her ass and kicked her out!"
Dude 1: "Whoa, man! That was AWESOME!!!
Dude 2: "Yeah, that totally showed her!
Showed her what? Just what ARE you fighting for? If it were for her, then why does she have to suffer? You claim it to be retribution, but what do you hope to gain from it? Pride? Self-satisfaction? In the end, all three of you will wind up miserable and depressed. You'll feel cheated, she'll be in shambles, and Mr. Pretentious will seek nothing more than to make your life a living hell.
And one has to wonder if you really did care about her. At first, you said that you thought the world of her, yet you're willing to let a situation like this blow your relationship to shrapnel and disintegrate into microscopic dust follicles to be scattered in the breeze. Not only are you so stubborn as to not even let her explain herself, but you are unwilling to so much as even test her to see if her loyalty is as true as she claims, or if it's just another one of her 'baseless conjectures'.
You want advice? Here’s my advice! Just tell her off and be done with it! If you can’t even so much as forgive her, then let it go. After all, she hates being with Mr. Pretentious, does she not? Why not make her suffer by having her live by the decision she so regretted? After all, you DID say that her decision were irrevocable. Just let fate take its intended course. In the end, she will continue to suffer until the day that she finally dumps him as well, at which point; it’ll be his turn to suffer. As a whole, they’ll both get what they have coming to them and wind up alone as well. But I suppose that idea never came to your mind, did it? Revenge doesn’t have to be physical. It can also be emotional or psychological. Not even their fate can escape time itself. And in the end, your hands are clean, for both their fates are bound by their own actions. No crime, no pain, and you’ll still get your little kicks.
(A little psychotic, I must admit, but I try to take both sides and find a middle line.)
If you really valued feedback, then you'd take mine, which you so wholesomely invited in the first place, to heart, rather than ridicule it, ball it up and shove it back down my own throat. If you think that revenge is the right choice, you’ll only be hurting yourself and all those around you. Not only that but you’ll begin to develop a habit of utilizing revenge for your everyday situations. Then eventually, you'll come across someone just like yourself; someone who's not willing to take it lying down. And from there, you can only imagine what ensues.
In the end, I cannot tell you what to do. You may not like what I say, but then again, who’s to say that everyone will be on your side? Honestly, I’m glad I’m not, but it’ll make no difference to me what path you choose: revenge, acceptance, or letting it all go and allowing nature take its course. Just remember that whatever you decide, your decisions are irreversible; just... like... hers...
Memento mori
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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Monday, December 08, 2008 @ 4:47:39 PM
99% of that rambling post is based entirely on assumption, and these are things you need to be clear on. I'm FAR too laid back to have any of my "brooding" (which none of this is) change to rage and hatred; if anything, it'll just seep away only slightly painfully. I'm going to "lose control of ration and logic?" Are you effing kidding me? I'm not obsessing over this every second of every day, and I'm not losing my grip on reality. One second you're saying this isn't a crazy dramatic end-of-the-world story like in FFT and the next you're telling me I'm gonna snap and start wreaking havoc. ...great contradiction there.
"As if anybody cares?" I'm well aware people shouldn't care; that's hardly the point. I'm not asking anybody to "care." I simply asked about what people thought. As for the rest of that infantile mess, it's a grave insult to me and anybody I associate with. That's another bad assumption, and incredibly annoying. All three of us will end up "miserable and depressed?" ...what the hell? Because the relationship triangle is a little iffy right now? Yes, three lives will be ruined depending on what I do. Mm-hm.
I did care about her, and if a "situation like this" doesn't alter your view of a person, you're a freaking idiot. Plain and simple. Another screwed up assumption is that I didn't give her a chance to explain herself; I've given her multiple chances, and it's not MY fault the explanations have been lame and unconvincing. And here's a little hint- we don't "test" another's loyalty. That just screams insecurity. Loyalty should be trusted, not tested, genius.
I KNOW what revenge can be. Stop talking to me like I'm a low-IQ Alpha male. It's pissing me off. If you want to rely on fate, you go RIGHT ahead; I live in the real world, where this plane of existence relies only on actual action. I did invite feedback and I got a ton of it, and I responded civilly to those who recommended either side. The difference? THEY didn't make rash assumptions about me, my friends, the other two people, or the situation. You've made the majority of it up in your mind to support your argument, which makes the entire thing null and void. Got it?
Last edited by Ben Dutka PSXE on 12/8/2008 4:49:08 PM
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concerned man
Monday, December 08, 2008 @ 2:17:58 AM
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Greetings. I stumbled across this web-site and read the article located above. As it may become apparent, I am a person who likes to think/debate about these kinds of issues, and I would like to impart some advice, whether helpful to your situation or not.
I would like to start out by saying that I am sorry for your apparent anger at this situation. To say that I know how you feel would be a bold-faced lie, seeing as I don't know the rigors of a relationship gone awry. That and I am not you, so how could I possibly know exactly what you're feeling?
Getting to the heart of the matter, however, I must agree with many of those on the forum who say that "revenge is not the answer".
(Having examined paragraph starting in "Anyway,")
From the thoughts expressed in this paragraph concerning the statements/excuses she gave for her defense, it really sounds to me as if you feel like she is out to get you and ruin your life. Usually, in my experience, people think about others a lot more than themselves, but there are those times in their lives when they are so focused on getting things done or pursuing something that they temporarily lose sight of the people who want their questions answered promptly and legitimately. It is quite possible from the information given in this paragraph that she isn't doing all of this just because she dislikes you or that you don't "measure up to her expectations" so to speak. She may see something in the other guy that could be completely different from what you see in him, something positive in his favor but not negative about you. Sure, the way she attempted to break up with you like she did wasn't the best way to go about it, but not everyone necessarily has a quick, witty explanation for why their feelings have shifted so far in the other direction, especially when under all of the other pressures of life that they go through. Aside from her and the other guy's actions and justifications, there is the factor of "forgiveness" to measure in here. Forgiveness can manifest in different ways, including:
Complete forgiveness: Not only forgiving someone in words, but also in mindset.
Partial forgiveness: Forgiving someone in words, but secretly unforgiving in mindset.
Self-focused forgiveness: Forgiving in both words and mindset, but only for the purpose of letting the issue go and moving on with one's life.
No forgiveness: none...nada...zip...
Whichever route you would like to take, it is not my place to decide that for you, but only my humble opinion of which to impart on you. My advice is to forgive for your own sake FIRST, and then if you ever feel like forgiving them, then go for it.
(Having read the paragraph starting in "This was")
"Biblicalesque" revenge is most certainly not the way to go for many reasons. One, not everybody feels the same way about the Bible's teachings and writings as others. Two, not everyone feels the same way about religious referencing as others (speaking specifically for Athiests and Agnostics). Three, from what I have learned from my religious mentors, "Biblicalesque" revenge is reserved for God, and only God. It is God who imparts this brand of punishment. Any other forms of punishment we use are for social, interpersonal, or personal reasons only, and are subject to questioning at any time.
A firm sense of morality must also be backed up by internal and external dialogues (with both ourselves and friends, family, colleagues) when debating whether or not to take certain actions against the person who wronged you. Without them, our "moral compasses" are nothing more than child's toys, useless and breaking at the slightest tension or resistance. We must remember that everyone's "reality" is different, and that your's, her's, the other guy's, and my reality are far, far different. This makes us think, act, and socialize in ways that would possibly offend each other, or at least be unsettling. As different as our realities are, our senses of justice can be just as ambiguous. Therefore, "morality" is a questionable human trait that I suggest we all study more about before we go off and do something that we will inevitably regret.
(Reading on from "But of" to the end)
There are many opinions expressed in this article that I find very questionable, but will not argue, for even though my sight on this is way different you have your own right to be angry and to defend your own interests.
To answer the proposed questions:
Yes, she should be blamed for not coming clean with you about her affair with this other guy, and for not fully considering how the situation would make you feel.
No, she doesn't deserve the said hurt that you would inflict, because in my eyes, the penalty would not fully fit the crime. There is a difference between being evasive and ignorant about everyone's feelings (in her case), but there is a big difference between this and in doing what you were proposing, in which you would be deceiving her by taking her back and "having sex" with her just to make sure that both of them are as miserable as they could possibly be.
Thank you for your reading time, and I hope you find the answers you are searching for.
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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Monday, December 08, 2008 @ 3:52:00 PM
However, I think you're misinterpreting a few things. First of all, in no way do I believe this girl is out to ruin my life. I really don't think that can be inferred from what I've written; the angst I may feel after the break-up is just normal stuff, and not indicative of anything deeper. Secondly, I knew I made a mistake when I said "Biblical-esque," because I knew people would take it literally. I really didn't wish to be literal, as it's only there for creative flair and emphasis. I don't mean to imply anything religious with that imagined phrase.
As for the part about the moral compass, and that our realities are all different, I do have to disagree. While I just said earlier that I believe morality to be subjective, I DON'T agree that reality is subjective. Perception only dictates perceived notions; reality is unaffected. This follows the same law that says personal opinion has absolutely no impact whatsoever on product quality. If the other guy I'm talking about her perceives things in a certain way, fine; he's entitled to do that. ...doesn't mean he can't be wrong, and it doesn't mean it's his "reality." He's just misinterpreting reality.
For me, I'm aware that revenge is hardly a long-term solution (or even a solution at all), but sometimes, we get the urge to indulge in a vice that will make us feel good for only a short while, even while understanding we'll feel like hell later. It's what makes us human. ;)
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superjew
Monday, December 08, 2008 @ 3:40:10 PM
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Don't take the high road because it's the high road, take it because it'll make you feel better in the long run. I think anyone with some experience in dating, Aftab, would know that there's no way Ben does this if he's over all of it. He just lets it go and moves on.
Fu** Karma, fu** what she deserves, go talk to her if you need to clear the air. Not to get a relationship back on track, for closure, so you can move on with your life. Don't worry, making bad decisions on her part will likely bite her in the ass. I just don't honestly see how this makes anything better, aren't you pretty much just matching hte level of Mr. Pretentious Jackass by doing this? He's getting your sloppy seconds, and you're getting his sloppy thirds. ;)
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concerned man
Tuesday, December 09, 2008 @ 12:32:47 AM
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Thank you for your reply, and I'm glad that it seems like you're feeling better.
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Toxin
Wednesday, December 10, 2008 @ 4:59:41 AM
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Last edited by Toxin on 12/10/2008 5:01:14 AM
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PS3_Wizard
Wednesday, December 10, 2008 @ 11:01:49 AM
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My girlfriend of 2 years and 2 months has moved to a new location and is attending a new school. We started out great, with plans of having kids and getting married and only being their for each other. We have a semi-long distance relationship, so we have talked on the phone our entire relationship without missing so much as a day. That is until she started lying about things and holding stuff back from me, knowing it would be detrimental to us. She was in a few small situations involving a few guys, but we got over those problems with time.
Well anyway, when she moved to this new school, lots of guys approached her, seeing as how she is a model with DD breasts and a face to die for. At first, she was doing what she was doing previously at her old school, when the guys came up to her, she'd turn them down and tell her she was taken.
Well one day i hear from her brother she has met a male "friend" who i was kept in the dark about. After doing a bit of research in the matter; (and not to mention stalking her by sitting outside of her house) I found they she put off our precious phone time that was so essential to our relationship to go on "jogs" with him out of the blue. keep in mind that she has never wanted to go jogging EVER prior to that day. And she told me that she was going with just her brother.
My research also found that peer pressure from her new "girl friends" and the guy himself was contributing to her infidelity. They would say things like "Its ok for you to be friends with him" or "He doesn't have to know what you're doing all the time. You are too young to get tied down to one guy"
Well a few weeks later (and going to clubs, and sneaking him over her house, all without letting me know anything) I found lots of proof and decided to confront her about the problem. Even faced with the undeniable facts, she continued to pull the whole "we are just friends" card.
I've even taken the time to find out where he lived, and drove to literally F*** his A** up. All to no avail, because he heard of me coming and decided to high tale it out.
After that incident, she supposedly told me everything, and wasn't holding anything back from me anymore. I took her back after she agreed to change back to her old self.
Unfortunantly, she got involved with this guy 2 more times, each time thinking she could get away with it. I guess the point of my story is that I know how much you are hurting. You act as if its not that painful, maybe because you want to save face in the midst of us readers. But i know its rough on you.
I gave my all for my girl...who im trying to get out of my system, giving up on friends, college, and my senior year of high school.
If anyone tells you that revenge isn't the answer, they obviously haven't been put through this situation like us. Women are evil creatures. Don't trust the "I want to be friends" lie. They will use that to try to take the time to get back on good terms with you, and end up making the same mistake all over again.
The guy who is trying to steal my girl was lucky he wasn't around when i stopped by for a visit. You and I differ because you didn't do anything while he was being a complete a** to you. I would have F***ed his a** up in a heartbeat, but I would do it at a later time, preferably with a ski mask to hide my identity.
And about your EX? Chances are she knew full well what she was doing. She thought she wanted a future that was more financially stable, or that she wanted to try new things. And not backing you up when he was downing you was a terrible thing on her part. For all you know she could have been laughing along with him when you parted ways.
Screw the Trick, and leave her. Its less of a chance of being hurt in the future. If she left you once because of peer pressure, she can do it again.
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recks1jtp
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Friday, December 05, 2008 @ 10:54:41 PM
It doesn't seem like the end will justify the means in this case. It's not worth hurting her to get to him, especially if you wouldn't hurt her in any other situation. Take solace in the fact that the door IS in fact open (or at least unlocked), and it's open under his watch. And that's something he'll never have over you. Be the better man. His time will come, arrogant prick that he is...