The Gamer's Oreo: Two Cookies, But No Cream
Think what you see in that pic is every man's dream? Sure. It is if women didn't have faulty wiring upstairs.
I was going to just let this slide as it isn't the most earth-shattering conclusion to the story, but everyone keeps asking so after putting it off for a few weeks, I suppose I should provide you with the finale. Sadly, it's not what some of you shoot-for-the-stars types had hoped for, although I will say it got a lot closer to the stratosphere than I had ever anticipated. If you remember, I was away for the weekend a few weeks ago, and yes, it included the two girls in that mini-saga (if you need a refresher course, just check the Special Features section). One of them was going to a Memorial Day/Weekend party thrown by her company up in Boston, and her good friend planned to tag along. They asked if I wanted to go, and only because I didn't have to drive (haaaaate getting into Boston) and didn't have to worry about paying for a hotel room, I decided I may as well.
For the record, Arnold didn't think it was a very good idea, but as it turned out, he was neither right or wrong. I just decided to go with the flow: hence, when Ms. Amy said it'd be perfectly fine for me to stay with Ms. Courtney (after all, I had already slept with Ms. Amy and the deal between the two, contrary to all reason and rationale, still existed), and so I did. And so...we "did." I'm not about to get into details but the next day, weird sh** started to happen, and it wasn't the weird sh** I would've expected. No, we were hanging out together for the weekend so there was a lot of joking around, and immediately after that night with Ms. Courtney, Ms. Amy got very playful. She was actually the first - and last - person to even bring up the word "threesome." The proper response was to laugh, which I did, but Ms. Courtney seemed taken aback. Ms. Amy tried to tell me in confidence that it was just a big act, but if it was, she's effing Meryl Streep. Ms. Courtney positively didn't like the idea and worse...
Ms. Amy may not have been joking as we assumed from the start. She just kept bringing it up. Finally, after another day, things came to a head on Sunday when Ms. Amy sat herself down in my lap in the hotel room, turned, and gestured to Ms. Courtney. It was the cusp of.......nope, too bad. Ms. Courtney considered, laughed, and promptly left the room. Ms. Amy rolled her eyes. The only song playing in my head was Disturbed's "Down With the Sickness." Ms. Courtney hasn't spoken to either of us since and Ms. Amy is all happy-go-lucky and convinced that her friend is just playing "hard-to-get" and that I shouldn't disappear. Throughout all of this, I had little to no input. It was like watching the most effed-up play in existence. Women aren't from Venus; they're from another universe entirely; they often relate to one another in a series of bizarre ways that leave men speechless. The entire weekend made absolutely no logical sense, and the worst part was, all three of us had to drive back together...yeah, that was awkward.
And so, this is where things stay. I've seen Ms. Amy since but not Ms. Courtney who only e-mailed me to ask "how things were going." I believe my response (in my head) to seeing that message was precisely this, "...how are things GOING? What the FU** is UP with you women?!" Don't know where to go with this; don't know what to do. All I know is that both these women may be borderline crazy, and there seems to be a perfectly nice dental hygienist who I met this past week (part 2 of the root canal) that may actually be normal. Or, then again, probably not. Bah. Nutjobs. Fruit loops. They've got retarded squirrels juggling knives in their heads! All of 'em!
P.S. I did get them both, though. Not at the same time, but hey, I played by the rules, damnit.
6/5/2009 Ben Dutka