Reader Editorial: What We Learn From Video Games

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Editor's note: This is another reader editorial, and this one is satirical (as you'll soon see). It's well worth a look and a laugh, and if you wish to submit something to us, visit the Reader Submission topic in our forums. And just remember: many people can be funny, but for something like this, you really need to know gaming. Thankfully, he does. ;)

We all play video games to escape from the real world, live out fantasies, and entertain ourselves when the real world just won't do. But what if the lessons learned in certain genres of games could be applied to real life? Let's look at a rundown of the top ten for four popular genres shall we?

RPGs:

10) People will repeat themselves on a never ending loop.

9) If you are anywhere in the vicinity of a crime scene, you will be blamed; never mind the lack of evidence.

8) A little girl can kick just as much ass as a seasoned war veteran.

7) Although guns have been invented, they rarely cause serious damage to anyone and are no match for a sword.

6) You will be forced to play a little game that makes absolutely no sense at all.

5) Magic is useless if you are caught and imprisoned.

4) Faking an illness or snakebite will get you out of jail.

3) If you are caught and tossed in jail, your weapons will not be confiscated or they will be put well within reach.

2) It is perfectly acceptable behavior to barge into peoples homes and rummage through their things.

1) All princesses can't wait to ditch their proper clothes and throw on a miniskirt/hotpants/tube top/etc.

Platformers:

10) There is nothing at all disconcerting about talking animals.

9) Parallel dimensions are a scientific certainty.

8) Nope, you're not paranoid, the entire world actually is out to get you.

7) Invincibility is only achievable at a time when it is entirely useless.

6) Do not be alarmed, significant changes in your abilities will cause your skin or clothing to change color.

5) Must...collect...things that spin in the air!

4) It is solid physics that gives you the ability to jump and then change direction in mid-air.

3) Immersion in water can be lethal.

2) Jumping on others is an effective form of homicide.

1) The local safety board refuses to fill or bridge those pesky neverending pits.

Survival/Horror:

10) Someone will ask "How do you kill something that's already dead?"

9) Crouching should be sufficient action to take in order to hide.

8) Expect to meet a creepy child.

7) That thing you thought you killed? It ain't dead.

6) Hillbilly communities are the most susceptible to breakouts of zombie-flu.

5) No, swinging a cudgel wildly as zombies swarm you will not save your ass.

4) You will regret dropping that empty rocket launcher to make more room in your backpack.

3) Anyone tagging along will do all in their power to get killed.

2) The big shots think that a disease which can turn the entire human race into walking corpses might somehow be useful to the future benefit of mankind.

1) You will always be low on bullets.

FPSs:

10) Tossing away a clip with a few bullets left in it will not result in the loss of those bullets.

9) Indifference to proper grenade-throwing techniques results in very pissed off comrades.

8) A single man has the best chance of bringing down an entire army.

7) Severe injury causes color blindness.

6) People have no problem with you exchanging your depleted weapon for their full one.

5) If you shoot a bad guy, it does not necessarily follow that he will notice it.

4) It is considered light, breezy comedy to execute a good friend on a whim.

3) You have a device or affliction that causes your health to regenerate just by resting.

2) Multiple gunshot wounds are easily healed by applying first aid.

1) You have no legs, and you never did.