: Reader Editorial: What We Learn From Video Games

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Reader Editorial: What We Learn From Video Games

Editor's note: This is another reader editorial, and this one is satirical (as you'll soon see). It's well worth a look and a laugh, and if you wish to submit something to us, visit the Reader Submission topic in our forums. And just remember: many people can be funny, but for something like this, you really need to know gaming. Thankfully, he does. ;)

We all play video games to escape from the real world, live out fantasies, and entertain ourselves when the real world just won't do. But what if the lessons learned in certain genres of games could be applied to real life? Let's look at a rundown of the top ten for four popular genres shall we?

RPGs:

10) People will repeat themselves on a never ending loop.

9) If you are anywhere in the vicinity of a crime scene, you will be blamed; never mind the lack of evidence.

8) A little girl can kick just as much ass as a seasoned war veteran.

7) Although guns have been invented, they rarely cause serious damage to anyone and are no match for a sword.

6) You will be forced to play a little game that makes absolutely no sense at all.

5) Magic is useless if you are caught and imprisoned.

4) Faking an illness or snakebite will get you out of jail.

3) If you are caught and tossed in jail, your weapons will not be confiscated or they will be put well within reach.

2) It is perfectly acceptable behavior to barge into peoples homes and rummage through their things.

1) All princesses can't wait to ditch their proper clothes and throw on a miniskirt/hotpants/tube top/etc.

Platformers:

10) There is nothing at all disconcerting about talking animals.

9) Parallel dimensions are a scientific certainty.

8) Nope, you're not paranoid, the entire world actually is out to get you.

7) Invincibility is only achievable at a time when it is entirely useless.

6) Do not be alarmed, significant changes in your abilities will cause your skin or clothing to change color.

5) Must...collect...things that spin in the air!

4) It is solid physics that gives you the ability to jump and then change direction in mid-air.

3) Immersion in water can be lethal.

2) Jumping on others is an effective form of homicide.

1) The local safety board refuses to fill or bridge those pesky neverending pits.

Survival/Horror:

10) Someone will ask "How do you kill something that's already dead?"

9) Crouching should be sufficient action to take in order to hide.

8) Expect to meet a creepy child.

7) That thing you thought you killed? It ain't dead.

6) Hillbilly communities are the most susceptible to breakouts of zombie-flu.

5) No, swinging a cudgel wildly as zombies swarm you will not save your ass.

4) You will regret dropping that empty rocket launcher to make more room in your backpack.

3) Anyone tagging along will do all in their power to get killed.

2) The big shots think that a disease which can turn the entire human race into walking corpses might somehow be useful to the future benefit of mankind.

1) You will always be low on bullets.

FPSs:

10) Tossing away a clip with a few bullets left in it will not result in the loss of those bullets.

9) Indifference to proper grenade-throwing techniques results in very pissed off comrades.

8) A single man has the best chance of bringing down an entire army.

7) Severe injury causes color blindness.

6) People have no problem with you exchanging your depleted weapon for their full one.

5) If you shoot a bad guy, it does not necessarily follow that he will notice it.

4) It is considered light, breezy comedy to execute a good friend on a whim.

3) You have a device or affliction that causes your health to regenerate just by resting.

2) Multiple gunshot wounds are easily healed by applying first aid.

1) You have no legs, and you never did.

6/20/2009 David "TheWorldEndsWithMe" Nelson

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Comments (41 posts)

Morals
Saturday, June 20, 2009 @ 11:06:38 PM
Reply

lol

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Morals
Saturday, June 20, 2009 @ 11:08:33 PM

the clich├ęs of de vidya games

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Natalisrubbish
Saturday, June 20, 2009 @ 11:22:45 PM
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HAHA soo true. Nice work,

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LegendaryWolfeh
Saturday, June 20, 2009 @ 11:24:00 PM
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Lol this was a good laugh

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Scarecrow
Saturday, June 20, 2009 @ 11:27:22 PM
Reply

6) You will be forced to play a little game that makes absolutely no sense at all.

^Heh, doesn't that also apply to babes?

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WorldEndsWithMe
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 12:47:35 PM

hahh, yeah I'd say so.

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ThugNificent101
Saturday, June 20, 2009 @ 11:30:32 PM
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haha that was actually a pretty entertaining read
good job :)

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MRSUCCESS
Saturday, June 20, 2009 @ 11:37:01 PM
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"1) You have no legs, and you never did."

Haha, that was the funniest one I found. It's true, that's why I rarely see mirrors in First Person Shooters.

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somethingrandom
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 2:16:49 AM

Ha I have only seen one FPS that showed legs.

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WorldEndsWithMe
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 12:51:25 PM

Confession, thats the one that came from another user in the forums where I asked people to submit their own. I forget who, but if you're reading this thanks and feel free to chime in. The rest are all mine.

Last edited by WorldEndsWithMe on 6/21/2009 12:52:20 PM

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Qwarktast1c
Saturday, June 20, 2009 @ 11:40:21 PM
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lol that was great

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Deleted User
Saturday, June 20, 2009 @ 11:42:22 PM
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I dont get it, how is this satire? This stuff happens to me all the time! ;)

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Deleted User
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 12:01:05 AM
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The biggest BS in a RPG I've ever seen was in FF7. When the sales guy is in that cave (or whatever it was) before the last fight with Sepiroth.

You're a party of incredibly powerful fighters who are being attacked by monsters, but somehow this freak gets in there with no problems and is just waiting there for you to appear so he can sell you items and weapons, even though you're trying to save the world.

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Masterofallz
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 12:04:34 AM
Reply

2) It is perfectly acceptable behavior to barge into peoples homes and rummage through their things.

...Win.

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tes37
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 12:11:21 AM
Reply

Thumbs up to WorldEndsWithMe

Last edited by tes37 on 6/21/2009 12:32:17 AM

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www
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 9:07:16 AM

Yup, i thought as much it was coming from him, big ups :)

Last edited by www on 6/21/2009 9:07:34 AM

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Banky A
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 1:02:39 AM
Reply

Yeeeah David/World

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Scarecrow
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 1:30:39 AM
Reply

In Thousand Arms (rpg) they actually tell you things 'bout how you actually coming into their house

Such a funny/fun game :D

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Kowhoho
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 2:07:28 AM
Reply

That was hilarious. I feel like I missed something regarding a few of those RPG points though.

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raidtimedope
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 5:20:49 AM
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the ones that made me really smile.

4) You will regret dropping that empty rocket launcher to make more room in your backpack.

10) Tossing away a clip with a few bullets left in it will not result in the loss of those bullets.


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Fane1024
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 5:23:39 AM
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3) Anyone tagging along will do all in their power to get killed.

They were all funny, but this one's my favorite. It pretty much applies across the board. My favorite example is from 24 The Game, where I told Kim Bauer to stay put in a safe place and she proceeded to run at full speed directly toward the terrorists. Thanks, Kim.

World FTW.

Last edited by Fane1024 on 6/21/2009 5:24:38 AM

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coldbore
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 8:00:25 AM
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Lmfao, I think u got the most of them, but u forgot the driving genre, a car is alwayd drivable after smashing into a wall at 100mph

Last edited by coldbore on 6/21/2009 8:02:03 AM

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coldbore
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 9:46:17 AM

Ugh I can't think of anything to go with NOS/boost

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WolfCrimson
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 11:21:30 AM

Your NOS/boost can even fill up just by driving on the wrong side of the road.

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Skatejimmy5
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 8:15:40 AM
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LMAO, those were really funny ones! Great job! :-D

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jmo_INDY_Repub
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 9:44:21 AM
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ehhh....that was only slightly freaking hilarious.haha, nice one.

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tlpn99
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 10:48:26 AM
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Reading it a 2nd time World still made me laugh loads. Good job :)

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WorldEndsWithMe
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 12:52:56 PM
Reply

Thanks for the props guys, I would love to do every genre but a guy does have his favorites. Sounds like this one was a hit. :)

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Deleted User
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 1:22:05 PM
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Good job World.

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ec0li
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 3:02:05 PM
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thumbs up nyahahaaa!

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Deadman
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 3:18:32 PM
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World was made an example of HaHa.
Good stuff guy FPS rule #1 You Dont have legs you never did" Should be a T-shirt. I just made you a millionaire your welcome.
Off topic but Im Half way through the book expect my review soon (october or so I am the wolrds slowest and most distracted reader.)

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WorldEndsWithMe
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 4:50:46 PM

Much appreciated Deadman, hope you like it. The last reviewer REALLY did not, but everyone else seems to. Hmmm.

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King James
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 6:26:44 PM
Reply

World FTW!

Good FPS lessons:
"Cause I ain't got no legs!/
Or...No Brain!"



Last edited by King James on 6/21/2009 6:34:26 PM

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Kangasfwa
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 7:08:41 PM
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FPS #11: Standing next to highly explosive barrels is a perfectly reasonable idea.

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Gone
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 8:29:53 PM
Reply

You should be a full time writer for PSXE. I personally have the problem with blowing up teammates with grenades unintentionally.
Long Live Final Fantasy.

How did you manage to get a picture of Ms. Amy, Ms. Courtney, and Ms. Dental Hygienist? (^o^)

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WorldEndsWithMe
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 11:08:52 PM

gracias on the clear complement ;)

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sunspider13
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 10:36:15 PM
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ROFL

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Qubex
Sunday, June 21, 2009 @ 11:14:33 PM
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Great read World :)

Q!

"i am home"

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Frenchy17
Monday, June 22, 2009 @ 11:14:37 AM
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Good Job David! Funny stuff right there!

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SubjectiveTruth
Monday, June 22, 2009 @ 9:10:48 PM
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For FPS how about "Running in circles and jumping about is a highly effective alternative to using cover and or tactics"?

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SubjectiveTruth
Monday, June 22, 2009 @ 9:10:52 PM
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For FPS how about "Running in circles and jumping about is a highly effective alternative to using cover and or tactics"?

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