Editorial: Register Biscuit, Be Quiet
Okay, two things real quick: 1. I'm aware I stole "register biscuit" from a Penny Arcade cartoon. Don't sue us, guys. You rock. Here, have a link. 2. the guy in the picture here looks a little like the biscuit who I ran into tonight. Only slightly smarter.
Normally, I have no problem with GameStop employees. The ones around me are typically just fine. Cool guys, they usually like games, and while not the sharpest cutlasses on the rack, at least they're civil and somewhat knowledgeable. And even if they weren't, I don't like confronting the employees because their job is hard enough. Look, I worked at an EB for a few years...it was fun because that particular staff was awesome but working with the public always blows, as far as I'm concerned.
But tonight...good Lord. A Microsoft rep had clearly just left after depositing a fifty-dollar bill in this dude's back pocket. I'm behind someone in line asking the honest question, "I already have a 360 but I've been seeing these games I want to play and they're only on the PS3...are they coming to the 360?" That's how it began. I'll start with the biscuit's reply:
Biscuit: "Oh yeah, most of them are."
Customer: "Really? Because I saw a commercial for God of War III, and I was thinking that-"
Biscuit: "Oh yeah, that one will go to the 360 soon because Sony doesn't own the studio that does the game."
Customer: "Oh, okay. Well, I need a Blu-Ray player, though, so..."
Biscuit: "You don't need it. The 360 does high-def, anyway."
Customer: "But I thought only Blu-Rays were HD?"
Biscuit: "Nah, that's just what they tell people. You can get high-def on the 360 just fine."
Customer: (turns to leave) "Okay, cool. Then I guess I don't need to spend the $300. Thanks."
At this point, I obviously have to say something. I'm about ready to explode.
Me: "Wait, excuse me, but I can assure you that God of War III will not ever go to the Xbox 360. And no DVD is actually capable of HD; only Blu-Ray is the high-def format."
The customer looks a little confused and looks at the biscuit. The biscuit, for some reason, looks mad.
Biscuit: "It doesn't even matter. You don't need a PS3. All the best games are on the 360, anyway."
Me: "...really. So...God of War III, like this customer was asking about, which is not going to the 360?"
Biscuit: "Whatever. Overrated."
Me: "Uncharted 2? Metal Gear Solid 4? Heavy Rain? LittleBigPlanet? Demon's Souls?Killzone 2? Gran Turismo 5?"
Biscuit: "Dude, whatever. Nobody cares about those games. Halo and Gears of War are better than any of those. Nobody gives a shit."
(It seems I'm somehow pissing him off at this moment)
Me: "Okay, fair enough. If you think so. But do you care about a game like Uncharted 2 that won Game of the Year from just about every major source on earth?"
Biscuit: (triumphantly) "GameSpot didn't give Uncharted 2 Game of the Year!"
Oh come on, that's effing hilarious. You know why.
Me: "Uh...you're right about that."
Customer: "Look, I don't want to start an argument or anything...I was just asking."
Me: "And you should be entitled to correct answers."
Biscuit: "Yeah, whatever."
Me: "All right, games aside...you won't even bother to mention the free online service? The vast differences in reliability? Any of that? I get that you hate the PS3 but don't you want to make a sale...?"
Biscuit: "I'm just trying to stop a customer from wasting his money."
Me: "Sadly, he's wasting his time talking to you. (To the customer) If you want a PS3, buy a PS3. Don't listen to this."
And then I left. He's lucky I was in a decent mood. I wanted to lodge his tiny stupid little head into the register tray.
4/30/2010 Ben Dutka