Stretch Panic Review
This is the unusual story of an unusual little girl...
Her demonically-possessed scarf...
Her 12 also demonically-possessed sisters...
And lots of cleavage.
The goal in Stretch Panic is to systematically "stretch out" 12 beautiful women. In each of 12 nondescript rooms, there await 12 malformed siblings--each a larger and more freakish rendition than the previous. Linda's scarf can snap, twist, stretch, and tug just about anything in the game, but your overriding concern is to exorcise the demons from her sisters.
How? By stretching their breasts and letting go of them like you would a slingshot. No lie.
Cool idea, but there's nothing else to the game.
Aside from the sisters, there are only two other basic enemies. For Linda's part, her attacks are limited to extending the scarf, moving the scarf, grabbing onto something with the scarf, and using the scarf as a catapult. Otherwise, Linda can't jump, she doesn't really run, and she doesn't carry any weapons or have other attacks. All you're ever doing is stretching multi-colored textures over and over.
In the past, even when Treasure put together a game that was short on depth or replay, it always looked and sounded great. Have you heard of Gunstar Heroes, Guardian Heroes, or Ikaruga? Man, those games are show-offs in every sense of the term.
Stretch Panic just looks and sounds dull.
The backgrounds and environments are lifeless, and don't expect to see any lens flares or psychedelic visual effects. There are none. You can grab onto any of the textures and objects within the game, but they're all just two or three colors, so the effect is remarkably unimpressive. The game's saving grace are its boss battles, mostly because each of Linda's sisters is huge and tends to morph into some grotesque nightmare.
I'd discuss the audio, but there's too little to warrant going into detail. The music is full of childish vocals and, with the exception of a loud rubber-band noise, the sound effects are few and far between.
Unless you relish the ability to grapple large breasted women with a demonized scarf, there is absolutely no reason to ever play Stretch Panic.
7/19/2004 Frank Provo