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Call Of Duty Doesn't Need A New Engine, It Needs Hot Chicks!

Forgive me, I'm in kind of a weird mood.

I swear this article has a point, though. Just bear with me. And try not to spend too long ogling the picture; if the girls I saw who signed up for the army looked like that, I'd probably be stationed overseas right now.

Anyway, everyone keeps saying Call of Duty desperately needs a new engine. And it does, of course; you can't keep using the same one forever and although the developers have gotten a surprising amount of mileage from the engine that debuted in 2005, it's definitely showing its age. I think that much was obvious in last year's Modern Warfare 3. But wait a minute; let's think about this...maybe the franchise is missing the one thing it needs to vault it into yet another stratosphere.

Yeah, hot chicks. Hot military chicks in fatigues or something. Look, ask any Hollywood director; if you're going to make a movie geared toward the 18-35 male demographic, and it's all about flashy brainless action, it's inevitable that one must also have a hot girl somewhere (or several hot girls, preferably in a hot tub at some point). It's a standard rule in cinema, I swear. So basically, forget about the time, effort and resources required to create a new engine, and just adopt a few God of War-like scenes for the tired war veterans. Take a break from the battlefield and hang out with certain scantily clad vixens. Hey, it's kinda realistic.

What, you think women aren't part of the deal with these guys? What else do they have to do with their downtime? The horrors of war and surviving death must be tempered by soft flesh, yes? Heck, after asking the Hollywood movie guy, ask a colonel about the necessity of morale, and what often heightens morale. So not only would such an addition be strategically sound from a marketing standpoint, it would also make sense.

There.

The most absurd article I've ever written. I'm glad you were here for it. ;)

Tags: call of duty, cod, cod games, activision, call of duty sequel

3/27/2012 9:00:45 PM Ben Dutka

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Comments (41 posts)

inkme101
Tuesday, March 27, 2012 @ 9:38:11 PM
Reply

absurd article or not the girl in that pic could very well be my future ex-wife! lol

Last edited by inkme101 on 3/27/2012 9:40:11 PM

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BikerSaint
Tuesday, March 27, 2012 @ 9:42:12 PM
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Can I get some "Call of Judy" Jello wrestling????

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maxpontiac
Tuesday, March 27, 2012 @ 9:56:27 PM
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Wouldn't adding girls in Call of Duty define the meaning of "cheap trick"?

Of course it would.

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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Tuesday, March 27, 2012 @ 9:58:19 PM

Exactly.

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CH1N00K
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 11:52:08 AM

Yeah I was thinking that this article was kind of ironic as well compared the other one.

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FatherSun
Tuesday, March 27, 2012 @ 10:04:42 PM
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I came to the conclusion a few years ago that COD is missing female soldiers. It would be only fair to the opposite sex. I also imagined an option to customize your charcter and wondered how the majority of the female characters would be dressed. Whether they were created by a male or female. This idea sprang while customizing a HOME avatar. Imagine that level of customization in a FPS.

I do not consider this an absurd article. If anything ActiVision should consider it. Only thing left for COD to provide would be nourishment. Gamer Paradise. Sex, Play and Food!

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WorldEndsWithMe
Tuesday, March 27, 2012 @ 10:38:08 PM
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Call of Duty Beach Volleyball anyone?

One thing I think is funny about FPS games is they try to make up for their machismo by having sexy young women as the intelligence officer or some such. How about a woman main character in an FPS (that isn't Samus), how about her story?

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kraygen
Tuesday, March 27, 2012 @ 11:58:54 PM
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I found it highly amusing that two articles were posted within minutes of each other, where one states that, "Gamers need more than big tits" and another states that Call of Duty needs hot chicks.

Made me laugh.

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WorldEndsWithMe
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 12:41:09 AM

I didn't want to say anything but...me too :)

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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 12:55:00 AM

That was the idea. ;)

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AcHiLLiA
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 1:20:36 AM
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well, okay then, whatever.

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WorldEndsWithMe
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 2:05:27 AM
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Off topic a bit, but Ben I picked up Singularity because you mentioned it a few times. I really dig it so far, love that Bioshock-like gameplay.

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cLoudou
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 8:11:15 AM

Shhhh. Don't mention Singularity around Beamboom.

I dug it as well.

Last edited by cLoudou on 3/28/2012 8:12:35 AM

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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 10:11:57 AM

Singularity is a great game, period. The idea that it somehow sucks because it seems similar to Bioshock is just beyond me.

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Beamboom
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 12:47:16 PM

Hey - there's *plenty* games that I don't particularly like that others do. I don't have a problem with that at all :D

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Lawless SXE
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 2:54:23 AM
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Hmm... I keep hearing reports on the news about soldiers and sailors being put up for harassment of female colleagues, so I can't really imagine this sort of thing going down too well in the general media. But hey, the CoD series has caused controversy in the past, I think the only logical thing for them to do is to tackle full-blown war crimes and the rape of innocent civilians would set the media aflame. Oh, the chaos that would ensue.

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Beamboom
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 3:09:06 AM
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A war themed, "serious" game with an awesome babe as main character? Why have we not seen that yet?
Now that's a COD I probably would buy. And I am not kidding either.


Last edited by Beamboom on 3/28/2012 3:09:55 AM

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___________
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 3:52:16 AM
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COD does not need a new engine!
ONLY thing it needs is a more squad based feel and a longer campaign.
its too much like a typical michael bay film just flashy explosions and fast paced action, it really needs some tactics and squad based teamwork!
the engines fine!

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Godslim
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 6:39:10 AM

nah the engine is outdates and samey.....iam a cod fan and am one of those annoyed ones who thinks they need to change it already

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berserk
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 6:05:36 AM
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Good Idea but it don t matter to me since i go strait to MP and never leave .

I would nt mind having the possibility of choosing one in MP tho .

Last edited by berserk on 3/28/2012 6:07:29 AM

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Sogi_Otsa
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 6:42:21 AM
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crap doesn't need a toilet, it need hot chicks!
and that's how i read this title. i was very grossed out.

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PC_Max
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 6:51:35 AM
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Ugh! I think there is a difference between a "hot chick" and what we call in the real world... a skank. :/ And if that photo is anything to go by.... its the latter be discussed. Of course if you want to make a spin-off Duke Nukem game... go ahead. Just another game I won't buying.

Keep playing!

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Beamboom
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 7:01:19 AM

So, what's a hot chick in your book? Sarah Palin?

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cLoudou
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 8:10:17 AM

A skank is generally appealing to this crowd and probably most guys in this age group as well.

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Underdog15
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 9:05:30 AM

What do you call a sexy woman who's also intelligent, funny, and gifted?

My wife! *cue the "aw's"*

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Beamboom
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 9:54:17 AM

You guys seriously don't find a young curvy blonde attractive? Or are your wives looking over your shoulders now?

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coverton341
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 10:09:23 AM

I for one don't find the girl in the picture attractive, but blonde is one of the things on my "no" list.

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Arvis
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 10:13:49 AM

I like the pigtails (boobs are nice, of course, goes without saying) but what about the face? How can anybody say the girl in the pic is "attractive?" You don't know what she LOOKS like! :(

-Arvis

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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 10:40:26 AM

Arvis: I'm sure I don't care. Well, not too much. ;)

PC_Max: While it's possible (or even probable), I think it's just a tad unfair to proclaim any blond with fake boobs to be a "skank."

Last edited by Ben Dutka PSXE on 3/28/2012 10:40:50 AM

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wackazoa
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 10:48:08 AM

Fake boobs ???? If I can touch them their REAL.

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AcHiLLiA
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 1:51:10 PM

whatever happen to the hot natural blondes. Some of these blondes with plastic crap on them r kind of ugly, as they tend to age quicker and thus not as attractive.

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BikerSaint
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 1:53:21 PM

My fav's are hot Redheads & hot Asian women, with natural breast.

Hey Beamboom, yes, I'd go for Sarah Palin.....& Bayanetta too

Last edited by BikerSaint on 3/28/2012 1:56:55 PM

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wackazoa
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 10:46:41 AM
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Is that chick licking..... oh sorry, what were you saying about Call o Duty ?

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PC_Max
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 10:55:04 AM
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Lol. I guess no one noticed he taking her tongue and leaning down to her boobs. lol. But I guess for some thats... sexy? OR is the better term erotic for those of you interested. Geez.

Must be the same crowd who enjoyed Lara Croft in the early days. If you guys like that maybe the new Lara Croft game will help. Whatever makes you buy and play a game. All in the polygons.

Keep playing!

PS - The girl herself is posing for a photo. Does not mean she personally is a skank. Just the theme and portrayal in the photo. Just an opinion. To each his/her own.


Last edited by PC_Max on 3/28/2012 10:57:49 AM

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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 11:00:53 AM

...you sound a little like a monk.

I'm all for being classy and I say women should be way MORE classy than they often are (and men, too), but in this case......lighten up. ;)

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berserk
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 3:20:49 PM

I think you should look more into the new tomb raider ( or rather Lara croft ) before saying the old is the same as the new .

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Squirrelicus
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 10:55:43 AM
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Call of Booty?

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Deathb4Dishonor
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 12:07:39 PM
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Everyone can say she's not attractive till she's in your face licking her boobs... Makes you just want to lick her other boob with her LoL

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Mr_Sterg
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 @ 3:51:03 PM
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More things to add to the ESRB rating so probably won't be done.

Last edited by Mr_Sterg on 3/28/2012 3:51:27 PM

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PC_Max
Friday, March 30, 2012 @ 8:28:16 AM
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LMAO!!

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SS4
Friday, March 30, 2012 @ 8:53:37 AM
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Well, CoD is about makings as much money possible out of the less amount of work/effort possible so it totally makes sense to add some chix. It also caters perfectly to the demographic the game is relying on the most...

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