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How Does One Cultivate A "Romantic Relationship" Online?

For the record, I'm not condemning anything, nor am I passing judgment. I'm merely questioning, which I believe we're still allowed to do.

On the one hand, I really think it's a great story. I do. You hear so many horror stories of online buddies finally meeting, only to result in unfortunate disaster, and this certainly seems encouraging and downright heartwarming. And as the currently happy couple is engaged, I wish them the best of luck in the future.

You can read the story through the link; basically, the two met in an online lobby playing Halo 3 five years ago. That much, I can accept. I can accept that the two have stayed in touch during that span of time, and it makes sense that their meeting - captured on video for the world to see - was the duo's first in the physical world. But then there's this- "The couple met five years ago in a Halo 3 game lobby, became virtual best friends, and began a romantic relationship two years ago, and met for the first time in March."

Hence, they say the were in a romantic relationship for two years, right? You'll have to forgive me, but being at least a former student of psychology (and a continuing student of humanity in general), I have to wonder how one would create, maintain, and cultivate a "romantic relationship" exclusively through alternate forms of communication. Let's face it, that's what everything besides face-to-face interaction is: Alternatives. If we had the choice, we should choose the only form of interaction that has proven effective for human relationships.

I can see keeping tabs on someone and even remaining friends through the digital wonders of email, Skype, and various social services. Heck, you could be talking and even seeing each other at least once a day, which is in all actuality more often than some couples who live together. ...okay, sorry for the cheap shot at monogamy there. But the fact remains that when romance is factored in, that mysterious magical quality that has been the muse of many a master's pen since the beginning of time requires one thing. It requires two people to see and touch one another.

There's just no way around that...is there?

Without it, the correct foundations for actual romance can't really exist, can they? Friendship, certainly; I can see becoming friends online because you two have a lot in common and get along, but romance involves vastly deeper feelings and emotions that metaphorically starve to death without physical nourishment. And I'm not talking about sex, either. Although difficult and uncommon, romance has thrived in the absence of sex. No, I'm referring to the general nearness of the object of one's desire; that inexplicable, all-powerful urge to simply hold a hand, graze a shoulder, or - God forbid - look deep into their eyes.

Those are the sort of connections that are exclusive to the physical realm, and are also essential for romance to bloom. And if that's the case, how is it possible for anything even approaching the ridiculous complexity of love be fostered without the necessary building blocks? I only ask, as a humble and interested party.

Tags: video games, gaming industry, gaming culture, gamers

7/17/2012 8:53:53 PM Ben Dutka

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Comments (60 posts)

Nickjcal
Tuesday, July 17, 2012 @ 9:42:15 PM
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It's basically the way we teens text today. You start texting the girl for a period of time, learning everything about her and becoming "close". It's just how the online world works today, connect, connect, connect and then one day you finally hangout or meet in this case. Now, I can't really speak for the engagement part after seeing the person for the first time, but I bet they have skyped or something like that that allowed them to gain interest in one another.

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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Tuesday, July 17, 2012 @ 9:45:28 PM

There's no real closeness without real closeness.

Remember that. ;)

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Nickjcal
Tuesday, July 17, 2012 @ 10:05:10 PM

True that all the way. I wish these people the best, and maybe that Halo game was their meant to be moment, but it's certainly not how I would start a relationship haha.

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Beamboom
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 5:03:11 AM

Virtual closeness can be just as real for those who experience it.

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wackazoa
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 9:59:04 AM

"There's no real closeness without real closeness."




Mind officially blown.....

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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 3:04:12 PM

Beamboom: I'm sorry, but it can't. That's not how humans work.

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Underdog15
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 5:01:00 PM

"Virtual closeness" when my wife and I were engaged and spent 4 months across the country from each other, was what we used to COPE with not being together in person.

It was only good because it was better than nothing.

Virtual closeness is NOTHING compared to the real deal. No discussion.

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Beamboom
Thursday, July 19, 2012 @ 2:23:07 AM

The closeness is real for those who experience it. It's not nothing.

It's still real, the emotions are real, the experience is a real experience in it's own right, it can still be emotional, and very very special.

Noone is comparing the two. I am just saying that virtual closeness, when you have never met physically, can be very tense too. Just as tense, and I don't like this "if it's not how I prefer it it's nothing" kind of attitude you guys express between the lines here.

Read Trentlee's post further down, Underworld, and tell me that isn't real. tell me that is NOTHING.

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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Thursday, July 19, 2012 @ 10:53:09 AM

Nobody said it was "nothing." What we're saying is that it's not in the same league as reality. And it isn't.

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Beamboom
Friday, July 20, 2012 @ 5:03:56 AM

... But I only try to point out that the experiences we talk about here are just as real for the ones involved. You use the word "reality". This is reality. I'd say it's the same league, but perhaps not the same division :)

But it is reality! What they experience is real, the emotions that are triggered are the same, and it can be very special and valuable. That is all I try to say here.

When you see that special someone logging on your heart can beat just as hard as when you first see her entering the door of a restaurant.
Why? Because the persons involved are not virtual - they are equally real.


Last edited by Beamboom on 7/20/2012 5:09:14 AM

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Jawknee
Tuesday, July 17, 2012 @ 9:55:34 PM
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I met the singer of my band playing Counter Strike.

Not sure I would have been able to have a relationship such as this online but best of luck to them. :)

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CaptRon
Tuesday, July 17, 2012 @ 9:55:50 PM
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Hmmmmm, for once I don't really have anything to say...

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Knightzane
Tuesday, July 17, 2012 @ 10:23:01 PM
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Well, one of my favorite feminine attributes is their eyes. My girlfriends eyes are beautiful and to think some people can actually date someone having no idea what they look like or even what they sound like is beyond me. I was born 1992 and my middle school and high school years, i met girls face to face, and asked them out. Im sure some of you remember asking a girl out in front of her friends, especially if one of her friends didnt like you. Anyway, internet romance is something i have never considered doing because i like to hold my girl and tell her i love her. Not text her, and not see her through a screen. Just my opinion though, guess that makes me the odd one out nowadays..

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Miggy
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 12:02:51 PM

I'm with you on that. I refuse to try long distance relationships. It hardly ever works. I can understand long distance friends like pen-pals but not a bf or gf. But yeah if I'm going to be with someone they have to be near me so I can physically hold them and whatnot. It's just not the same.

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Jed
Tuesday, July 17, 2012 @ 10:39:21 PM
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Shag a gamer .com of course!

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wackazoa
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 9:59:35 AM

I so gotta try that site.

Last edited by wackazoa on 7/18/2012 9:59:50 AM

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ZenChichiri
Tuesday, July 17, 2012 @ 10:42:03 PM
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One of my acquaintances got married to a guy she met on WoW. She lived in Canada and he lived in Texas (quite far away). She left everything behind to be with him, and they had already pretty much decided they would get married after talking for a couple years through their guild and then meeting once. And hey, so far so good! They've been married about 3 years now!

I definitely couldn't do it, but the one good thing I can take from this is that love in this case transcends physical desire, which I believe it should first and foremost. Physical chemistry is important (to me anyways!), but emotional chemistry is even more so, and this sort of relationship puts 100% of that in the limelight.

Last edited by ZenChichiri on 7/17/2012 10:43:12 PM

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WorldEndsWithMe
Tuesday, July 17, 2012 @ 10:45:42 PM
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It's not really new, in the old days it was common for a relationship to begin with love letters, then promises of betrothal and finally marriage when the fellow returned from war or the latest voyage to the South Pole or whatever. The net just makes it easier because there's more connectivity and people are more comfortable being honest with each other since there is a middleman in the detachment the internet brings. Then all that's really left is to see if the spark carries on into real life.

Can't say I've ever had any sort of great romance online but I've met some girls from my area before that seemed cool, with mixed results.

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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 12:10:24 AM

I really don't think there were any love letters sent to people they had never met. The most famous love letters ever published are quite clearly written between two people who may not have seen each other in a while, but had no doubt spent time together.

No promises of marriage and love were being made blind, unless it was in royal families or aristocracies. This is quite a new phenomenon.

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WorldEndsWithMe
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 12:33:20 AM

I suppose that's true however limited the original meeting may have been. Though Dante only briefly met with Beatrice and they never married she did become an important person in The Inferno, a testament to how small encounters can be made into great things.

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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 12:59:26 AM

Well, yeah, but poets are freakin' weird. ;)

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homura
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 4:32:32 AM

I met a couple started as penpals back in the old days, the guy is working abroad and his friend back home send him an address of a girl which is a friend of the friend of his friend. They started writing to each other I think once a month and of course exchanging some pictures. When the guy come home from abroad, he met the girl for the first time, and now they're still married.

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PharaohJR
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 12:09:12 AM
Reply

alot can happen threw communication when talking to a female..... this scenerio isnt strange but interesting buddy found his ol lady threw halo... i dont knock them heard in the past folks found theres from years of writting distant letters or even present ex:letters from inmates...... life is strange & further we go into innovation of making communicating more possible i think its strange marriage rates decline & divorce goes high....

im retro damn near ancient this new age of texting, calling & vid chats to somebody right around the corner im not really bout. i build from vibing in person but i dont knock others tactics.

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CH1N00K
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 12:31:08 AM
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Good thing they didn't meet in a Call of Duty lobby, or else this story would have been over before it got started, not to mention they'd be getting into a newer less fulfilling relationship in less then a year....

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Beamboom
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 1:30:27 AM
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As one who played online MMOs exclusively for a period of several years and seen several relationships form, I don't find this story to be strange nor surprising.
But I also understand very well the questions that are asked in this article.

To build a relationship online is not ideal, not because of the absence of the physical, but because your relationship is built within a framework that is surreal, in a very literal sense.

I don't know if any of you have ever had a relationship with someone at work? It's much the same syndrome as some experience there, once you are outside that "work sphere", maybe one of you change employer, then all of a sudden it's not the same any more, cause you no longer share that "world".

But meeting via an online game sure has its advantages too:
You get to know the other person, the *real* person, incredibly much faster (it might be a question of days instead of weeks). It's a much shorter time spent before you suddenly start talking about really personal stuff, and are being utterly honest to each other, sharing inner thoughts you might never have shared with anyone before, discussing deep things and through that show who you *really* are behind the mask.

In the article it is said that the lack of general nearness is a disadvantage. It can also be an advantage.
Many people are not too comfortable with that introductory nearness. The expectations surrounding appearance and behaviour. Social skills and abilities. Everything from the clothes to the handshake, from the gestures to the hairstyle.

Online you just jump past all that and immediately focus on *you*, the person inside. For many, that builds confidence and enables you to "just be you", without all that introductory "courtship dance" and formalities. And in many ways, that is a more effective way to get to *really* know someone.

So yeah, one can easily cultivate a romantic relationship online, it all depends on the persons.


Last edited by Beamboom on 7/18/2012 2:51:28 AM

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Ludicrous_Liam
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 2:58:34 AM

That was basically everything that was running through my mind. When I talk to people online (such as umn, now :P), it is so much eaiser. I mean, honestly, I never talk like this in real life, apart from maybes to one very good friend & obviously my family. I would generally stick to simple one word sentances, such as yes and no, and only speak when I'm spoken to - because that's the kinda person I am. But with the internet, you can sorta forget all that for awhile and as you say, act like the real 'you'.

However, the can be both a good & a bad thing. It can mean you get to be whoever you want to be, not governed by any social 'restrictions'. What I mean by that is, if I said all of this to you in one go in real life, I'd be getting some strange looks right about now. On the other hand, sometimes you might forget who you really are (in real life) when being this 'real you'.

Your last comment makes me think; I play LBP2 a lot, and it's always a laugh when you see levels - which actually resemble twitter updates moreso than they do actual levels - with titles such as: "I'M 13 N I ND A GF". xD

Last edited by Ludicrous_Liam on 7/18/2012 3:01:02 AM

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WorldEndsWithMe
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 11:06:01 AM

Good point Beam, it's much easier to be real and dispense with the public mask we all wear.

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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 3:00:41 PM

Beamboom: You say people aren't too comfortable with the "introductory nearness."

Personally, I believe the electronic age has generated this discomfort. And at the same time we use it, we're battling it to remain socially human.

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VampDeLeon
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 3:53:34 PM

Or someone's living environment, especially if one was raised to make introductions seem extremely important can increase the pressure... And mean people. :p

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Beamboom
Thursday, July 19, 2012 @ 2:47:39 AM

Ben, didn't you have that "weird little someone" in class when you were small, a kid who - for whatever reason and probably a sad one - were hiding in the corner, who noone really got to know, who never said anything unless spoken to, and often were the victim of bullying?

This is nothing that is generated with the electronic age. This is human nature. We are not all the same. The internet has made it easier for those with this discomfort. How can that be bad?

The internet offer us an additional arena for *human* communication, an arena that for once not only favor the majority, or the "most popular kids in class", but *everyone*. There are thousands of reasons, both of psychological and physical nature, that some people can feel uncomfortable in situations the rest of us find comfortable, or even exciting.

You often speak of your studies in psychology. But from that perspective I think it's remarkable how you are so eager to tell these people that this is just not as "real" or not "good enough" compared to how *you* experience life. I think it shows a fundamental disrespect of those who are different than yourself. And coming from a psychology student that is surprising.
For many people around the world the internet is a great opportunity both to develop and to remain being socially human.

We can't all be alpha males.


Last edited by Beamboom on 7/19/2012 10:59:13 AM

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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Thursday, July 19, 2012 @ 10:59:24 AM

The assumption that someone who doesn't live life through a computer screen is an "alpha male" is beyond exaggeration. You should've recognized that before typing it.

The quiet kid in school? That was me. Granted, I was an anomaly as I was both good in school and good at sports, but I still suffered from the outcast label, as did most of my friends. And you're right, that's not new.

What you're not understanding is how humans function. Those experiences can cause social awkwardness and discomfort, but the only way to conquer those problems is to get out there and interact with people. Those problems are not dealt with thanks to virtual communication, they are EXACERBATED. Nobody is getting better socially by talking through a screen. It's impossible. It stunts emotional development.

You made a wrong assumption, Beamboom. You think this has something to do with how I view or live life. And considering my past, you now know that it's wrong. There is one universal truth that your beloved Internet and technology will have to accept: It cannot help humans get better at communication. It only makes us much, much worse, and enhances the problems faced by that quiet kid.

He'll do fine on the screen. ...it won't help him one jot in the real world. In truth, it will only keep him mired in his problems, even if he doesn't know it.

Last edited by Ben Dutka PSXE on 7/19/2012 11:01:10 AM

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Beamboom
Friday, July 20, 2012 @ 2:03:54 AM

We don't talk about living the *entire* life through a computer here, Ben. That's an illness, a depression, it's got a diagnosis.
What you asked was "can one cultivate a romantic relationship online?", not "is isolating yourself and live your entire life on the internet bad for you?".

Picture this:
Someone tells you to "grow up. You're in your 30s now, it's time to put down your toys and get out there and chase a real career, get a wife and a kid and get on with your life.
Don't just sit there alone like a loser and write about computer games on a blog on the internet. You are missing out what life is all about.".

Now, how did you feel when you read that paragraph above? What were your instinct reaction? Was it fair? Was it just? Did he have any clue what he were talking about, or any right to pass that judgement on you?
... Isn't what you tell those who enjoy online communication and romance in that same vein?

It's not that I disagree with you: Sometimes we indeed *do* need a push in the back, all of us, and we all have much to earn from learning to master common human contact and interaction. Of course we do.
But how big that push should be is individual! To some it would be quite a step just to write an email to someone special. To others, that same step would be to speak in front of the whole class. To some, it's even a challenge to be genuinely kind to another person.

But the moments that two persons - individuals that are well within the definition of "normal" - can experience in cyberspace can be utterly personal, romantic, magical moments and noone - not you, not me - should come and tell them otherwise. It's just not right.

We should not be so eager to pass judgements on others, or rate their experiences. That is a social skill that needs practise too.

Last edited by Beamboom on 7/20/2012 4:21:03 AM

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Beamboom
Friday, July 20, 2012 @ 5:39:18 AM

... And! A slightly different topic, but of relevance:

Even if something *is* lesser than what could be, not even in the same league: Is it right of us to point that out?


I live a fairly average life. No, strike that. In fact I live a less than average life. I'm 43 and not even married yet, how pathetic is that.
My income is alright, but it could have been much better. I am sure a typical man of my age and background earns more than me.

I haven't travelled much. In fact, I've hardly seen the world at all. With the exception of a few times over at the states I've never even been outside Europe.
When truth is told, I live 95% of my life within a diameter of just a few kilometres. I could just as well have lived in a fairly large cage.

Now: There are plenty of people in this world who could say that I don't really live life. They could say that what I have spent my time doing is really not worth much at all. Not compared to REAL living:

I've not seen the Himalayas. I've not even walked on an African savannah. I have no clue how it is to live in China.
I don't know the excitement of building a career and reach the top. Have no idea what's really going on during the board meetings. Or the sensation of signing a really good deal.
I have no clue on how exciting it is to create new jobs. To contribute to science. To save someones life. To make a difference in world politics. Not a clue!

But do I need to be reminded of that? Do we need get that pointed out, that how we experience life is so little compared to how it could have been? That it's not even in the same league?

When someone experience something beautiful in their lives, being it online or offline, physical or psychological, it is a beautiful experience regardless.


Last edited by Beamboom on 7/20/2012 6:27:21 AM

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Snaaaake
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 2:28:15 AM
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Never knew that's possible.

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jugheadjones
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 3:13:18 AM
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This is a nice story. I hope they last forever. Unfortunately, I believe that for every one of those happy stories, there are thousands of stories of those that didn't work out meeting online. I started on the net playing games on Yahoo with hundreds of people all over the world. Then, I spent years in Second Life, IMVU, Habbo and Playstation Home. I have been friends with probably between 600-800 people in these arenas. I have known many, many people who have dated people they met online and I have never known anyone that lasted more than a short time. This isn't to say that the long lasting relationships don't ever work. I just have never seen, or heard of, any real success - just a lot of failure and heartache.

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Beamboom
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 4:48:11 AM

There are more failures than success-stories, true.

But really, is it that much difference in real world dating? How many of those ends up as life long partnerships? What's the ratio?


Last edited by Beamboom on 7/18/2012 4:49:05 AM

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Trentlee
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 4:34:01 AM
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Well I did play WoW for a couple years, and during that time there I was indeed in one romantic relationship with another player, which i will dub "Kat" for this post, that lasted for around 15 months. She lived in Washington State and I SO. Cal.

So heres a rather long story for you.
(Extremely long post)

The first time we ever interacted with each other was during WoW's summer event. There was a little mini game that involved fireworks going on. you basically tossed a firecracker into the air and caught it when it landed and you repeated for as long as you could.

Anyway after what i suppose was a little WASD mastery I completed the minigame. At the end of said mini game there is a quest that you get which requires a group to complete. Needless to say she was one of randoms I was able to pull together for said quest.

The quest was easy enough and we all bid our Tyvm's and enjoy the summer festival farwells. Anyway afterwards since everyone had already left i asked if she wanted to go do some Daily quests together and she said sure.

At this point in time we were simply friends. We would quest together, do dungeons, explore the world (if you will), and sometimes just hang out and talk. I think that's what brought us a little closer together, going around and seeing parts of the world we were both enjoying that neither of us had ever seen before.

It may seem weird but getting lost in an mmo world with someone you have never met or seen before is alot more fun than exploring on your own. I would liken it to going to the beach with your friends and finding a little cove tucked away somewhere. Cool if your alone. Completely memorable and awesome with friends or someone close to you.

Anyway the more we played together the more we began to open up. As someone commented earlier we began trading stories. Talking about our days, our childhood mishaps, what we wanted to do or be, places we would love to go to and sites to see. I only ever really talked about that stuff with my close friends and even they don't know all the stuff we told each other.

Now I am an introvert, and while I have a lot of acquaintances I really only have a handful of close friends that I can talk with and goof around with easily. And I would say it took maybe 2 or 3 months to get to that level, and by the winter event we were closer than that.

We really seemed to know each other, typing out words of encouragement, getting into little squabbles about stuff here and there, cracking jokes, and wishing virtual get wells. At some point in time seeing those words had the same impact on me as hearing them from someone close to me would have, and mainly i suppose it was because it was from her. It may seem strange but even if you haven't met someone simply knowing that someone genuinely wishes you well is enough to make anyone smile.

Jump to the new years event and celebration

We both decided to stay up and watch the countdown, it was especially festive where i was since i could see fireworks from my window. It was a little after the celebration that i finally got the courage to ask her if we could be more than best friends.

Even though this was through a virtual median all the butterflies were there. After all if the answer was no what would that mean for our friendship? would it continue or would it shatter? if it survived would we still be as close? Those thoughts were on my mind when i finally asked her.

Now I can't say what it was like for her but on my end waiting for the response was like the DMV to the power of 10. Each second was like an eternity. Thoughts along the lines of "I've made a huge mistake" "Maybe she thought i was joking" "Is our relationship over" were ever persistent.

After what felt like an eternity her reply finally came.
"Yes"
" I've actually liked you for a while now :) "

I had one of those dumbstruck moments. I wasn't sure if I was reading it correctly or if my mind was saving me from some horrible news. It did however sink in and from then on you could say we were BF and GF.

Since it was an online relationship we obviously couldn't do some things that you would normally do, or at least think of doing.
Holding hands, hugs, stuff like that. She did try though, typing in little emoticons like:
~Hug~
<3
when we talked about personal stuff. I can't say it was as good as a real hug would have been, but for me anyway, it was better than nothing. I suppose it also has to do with the fact that certain words and symbols are associated with happiness and love that it actually worked.

It was however easier to give gifts due to the relationship being online instead of IRL. I learned early on that she wanted to collect all of the companion pets in the game, and she would snatch them up whenever she could. So gift ideas weren't hard but getting them well it was easier said than done. As some of these companion pets were actually pretty rare in their own right. But whenever i got her one she would fill with joy. It was almost as if i had given her a puppy for Christmas.

Alas our relationship didn't last but to say it ended badly would be a lie. It was a mutual ending. We were both walking toward our dreams, and as we get closer to those dreams we seemed to get farther away from each other. Were still friends to say the least and we do keep in touch. But the romance is no longer there.

If I can sum any of this up I suppose its the fact that the joys we get from giving to others, being with others, and supporting others don't stop when done through a computer.
Giving someone a gift even if its a virtual gift still brings the joys of giving when you know how much they will love that gift. Wishing someone well or vice-versa is just as heartwarming when you know their words have meaning. Simply trying to be with someone, even if the world your both in is made of polygons, can be just as memorable if you know they want to be with you just as much if not more than you want to be with them. I guess no matter what median, in some way and in some capacity our feelings will find a way through.

Sorry it's so long but I hoped telling you about my experience would provide some insight to your questions.

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Beamboom
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 5:01:54 AM

That was a nice read, Trentlee. Very well described.

Your text there also goes to show what a MMORPG can be. It's so much more than just a mindless grinding treadmill.

Last edited by Beamboom on 7/18/2012 7:36:23 AM

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Ben Dutka PSXE [Administrator]
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 3:03:49 PM

Thanks for that; it took guts to write. :)

I would like to add one thing to chew upon, however-

What we see as memorable and emotionally powerful is relative and based on our experiences and perceptions. You say you can experience certain levels of emotion in a relationship through a computer, but have you since compared those feelings with recent ones felt in the physical world...?

Just wondering.

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Trentlee
Thursday, July 19, 2012 @ 9:36:00 PM

If i were to compare the thoughts and feelings I had during my online relationship and those with the relationships that started IRL. I would have to say there wasn't too much of a difference between them with the way I felt and how my body reacted. Most of it I would contribute to spur of the moment things to stuff that would happen around us which one could deem as strange or new. Like a guy walking down the street in a costume or someone bursting into song.

If i had to liken the differences to anything. I would say it's like trying to choose between 2 similar shades of your favorite color to paint your house or car. In essence they are the same thing, but there are aspects to each that you prefer over the other.

That isn't to say that it will be the same for everyone. Just like how some people can spot the differences in those hues in an instant while others cant tell them apart. Some people will need the physical contact and others wont.

I don't think that the lack of which diminishes the feelings one feels either way. I will note that physical contact can and most likely will augment those feelings faster than a purely emotional and intellectual relationship will, that's a given.

Also as I saw the little post about the kid in the corner in class above.

I suppose i could be considered that kid in the corner to an extent. I didn't talk much in class and I did only speak when spoken to, for the most part. I've known I was an introvert for a long time but I have always likened my quiet nature in class to be due to a general lack of interest.

For the most part the conversations around me are about the game last night, or so and so's new hit single, or whether or not so and so did this. I can honestly say that I couldn't take part in said conversations even if I wanted to.

That isn't to say that I am anti-social, I have my own group of friends, from all walks of life that I can talk with, laugh with, and for the most part act immature with. All for the simple reason that we share interests. All of us are engineer's of some sort, We like the same programs on tv, we like to play video games, and we go on our own adventures / road trips together.

I will admit this, it isn't hard to believe that someone who fell into an online relationship is introverted or socially awkward. But it would be a mistake to believe that all of said people or even a vast majority of them are.

Unless their relationship started due to a dating site where their intentions and interactions are already romantically inclined. I am willing to bet that just like in real life it sort of happened. I mean do you go into an online game or fps lobby thinking "I wonder if -Player Name- will be the one?" no you don't. you go into said game to have a good time and if you remember someone because they were fun to play with you will want to keep playing with said person.

Whether or not it turns into anything more than friendship depends on both parties and their ability to forgo any likely hood of physical contact.

Well this is my view anyway, I can't speak for everyone.

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Beamboom
Friday, July 20, 2012 @ 2:30:17 AM

You are very right Trentlee, you do not need to be introvert or anti-social in order to experience an online relationship. I never meant to imply that, but can easily see how I could be understood that way in my eagerness to defend those who *are* introvert and even anti-social.

It is indeed something that "sorta just happens".

I do however think that in order to actually understand this, it must be experienced. Not necessarily first hand, but you have to "be there", a part of the online "virtual world" and see it happen in order to understand and respect what happens there.
It's unfortunate, but such is the case with many things in life. We judge before we understand.

Last edited by Beamboom on 7/20/2012 2:57:43 AM

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duomaxwell007
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 9:42:47 AM
Reply

Its not impossible... Ive done it.. it started online but eventually shifted to "real time" i dont expect ANYONE to have a "real" relationship thats 100% online but its nothing wrong with it starting that way, the key factor isnt where it starts, but where it ends up.

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wackazoa
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 10:03:34 AM
Reply

Lies... lots of lies. For all any of you know Im Bill Gates 1st cousin on his mothers side.



But Im sure its one of those without the pretence of looks or sex it comes down to sharing your true thoughts and getting to know the "real" person..... blah.



Just lie. Now Im the Presidents former roommates younger brother. Anyone wanna go to the White House with me next week ?

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Ludicrous_Liam
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 11:16:11 AM

I know the President's former roommate's older sister and she doesn't have any brothers. LIES!!1!

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Qubex
Thursday, July 19, 2012 @ 10:22:32 AM

Could have posted something a little more inspiring...

Q!

"play.experience.enjoy"

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Underdog15
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 5:01:21 PM

like your avatar?

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WorldEndsWithMe
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 5:27:14 PM

You need to go away forever, preferably to a junk site or ash heap.

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TheCanadianGuy
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 6:21:56 PM

love the avatar though haha

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Underdog15
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 8:43:14 PM

Why? It's the dumbest avatar on the whole site. The whole, 'I don't care what anyone thinks of me!', yet clearly caring enough that he feels the need to let people know he doesn't care. In fact, it's a huge deflection of his own problems onto everyone else around him. If you think he's a moron, well, that's our own problems so F*** us. Problem is, everyone he's flipping off cares even less than he claims to not care. So he ends up alienating himself.

It's the classic self declaration that, "I know there is not much right with me, but I can combat that by acting like I'm ok with all my imperfections, and by the way, I'm not going to try to improve myself."

It's actually extremely defeatist -WHILE- hiding behind the constant lying to himself that he doesn't need to change.

In other words, it's letting everyone who knows anything about that kind of immaturity know exactly who the losers are. I see it at the youth centre on a daily basis. Which is fine for teens... it's just.... most people eventually grow out of that. This guy... apparently not.

Last edited by Underdog15 on 7/18/2012 8:44:24 PM

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TheCanadianGuy
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 9:12:24 PM

haha yeah idk i just said that because it reminds me of my 2nd favorite wrestler stone cold steve austin! xD you have a point though i suppose it shouldn't be on the site

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Beamboom
Thursday, July 19, 2012 @ 2:17:30 AM

@Under: Why do you think he's not a teen? I think it's pretty obvious he must be. My guess would be in the early teens.
Ergo: Not worth bothering paying attention to.

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TheCanadianGuy
Thursday, July 19, 2012 @ 10:24:03 AM

idk i think you might just be over thinking it a bit i mean someone's avatar isn't necessarily a reflection of who they are or their personality or something.

just as some examples look at me i use the canadian flag as part of my "TheCanadianGuy" persona. (hell if i was gonna use one to reflect who i was i'd probably use a WWE avatar :P) my pal "Ludicrous liam" has that "Ludicrous" avatar too go with the name. even worlds old "Who is world" avatar could be used as a idk online persona if you will.

sure alot of times people pick a avatar that reflects something about them but sometimes as is the case here i'm thinking its just some angry 15 year old pissed off at his mom.... or could just be he's trying a persona to maybe being an a**hole is his persona xD

Last edited by TheCanadianGuy on 7/19/2012 10:26:18 AM

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TheCanadianGuy
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 6:32:22 PM
Reply

this is probably more common than you'd think.

i remember not to long ago i was listening to the radio ( 102.1 the edge FTW!) anyway they were talking about online dating and asking if anyone has actually met the right one online and a lady called and told them that her and her boyfriend met on Xbox live way back when it first launched and that they've been together nearly 10 years. can't remember what else she said.

Last edited by TheCanadianGuy on 7/18/2012 6:33:52 PM

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CH1N00K
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 8:19:23 PM

I don't miss Toronto, but I do miss the edge, and I'm not getting up at 2 am to listen to dean blundell..lol. I still remember the story of the girl who was scared to tell her parents she was a lesbian, only to catch her dad in one of her mom's dresses at a gay pride parade....lol.

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TheCanadianGuy
Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 9:15:31 PM

its worth getting up at 2AM for. Deaner rocks! best radio show there is i can't start my morning without it :)

Last edited by TheCanadianGuy on 7/18/2012 9:16:11 PM

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Qubex
Thursday, July 19, 2012 @ 10:24:06 AM

Ohhhh Caaanaaadaaa....

I would love to visit Canada... maybe some day!

Q!

"play.experience.enjoy"

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TheCanadianGuy
Thursday, July 19, 2012 @ 11:21:28 AM

awesome! you'll love it!

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Qubex
Thursday, July 19, 2012 @ 9:45:54 PM

Yhea,can't wait to visit it!

Q!

"play.experience.enjoy"

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AcHiLLiA
Thursday, July 19, 2012 @ 10:56:21 AM
Reply

Good luck to these folks, probably I can say it takes guts for online relationships and turning it to reality.

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riptide8
Thursday, July 19, 2012 @ 4:23:59 PM
Reply

It worked for me, met while working, through chat.Correspondence for 2 years as friends.Met face to face in the third year,twice. Married in the fourth year. Baby in the fith year after living together for 1 year another baby in the eighth year.Im from So. Cal. THE O.C. U.S,the babe mecca of the world and she is from Hong Kong....go figure.And she wont go near a game, she likes Las Vegas.
The moral to the story is you might learn more about a person when you are not in each others underwear right away.

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